3). Fearlessly cruising past the biggest DUI checkpoint operation you've ever seen in your life (including in Texass), after a three-day weekend of boozetastic celebration capped off by a visit to your favorite restaurant y cantina for dinner.
Seriously, there were at least 20 cop cars, plus some riot vans and one of those huge Van-Halen-tour-bus things for gathering up the drunks (so they don't have to run every caught bastard into the station separately).
And of course, I mean "fearlessly" as in, if they stop me, I might get a ticket for some of my weak-ass driving because I am the Worst Driver Ever, which weak-ass driving is made worse by my lifelong fear of cops (who, where I grew up and spent my formative driving years, are in actual fact Out To Get You*), but at least I'm foolproof for the ol' DUI.
*Partial list of tickets young Gleemonex received in or around Cowburg, Texass, between the ages of 16 and 20, all of which resulted from and were the cause of individual stops:
--expired registration sticker (a 3"x1" item on your rear license plate)
--doing 61 in a 60
--no proof of insurance ($300, highest charge except the one for "gave chase")
--passenger not wearing seatbelt
--doing 57 in a 50
--burned-out signal light (my MOM'S car)
--expired inspection sticker (by one month)
Labels: clean livin