There's a support group for people who hate their jobs. It's called "Everybody," and they meet at the bar.
No, no, no. Eventually I realized: It was under "H" for "horseshit." Oh, riiiight! I remember now!
Canadian yarn art. It sells itself, people. Now get out there and SELL IT.
WERE YOU AWARE …
1) That there is food that doesn't have salt in it, and that these foods don't taste very good? (This profound and provocative observation brought to you by the fact that I had a great soup from the cafe at work yesterday, but it wasn't great until I added four little packets of salt to it.)
2) That Mr. Gleemonex, upon reading #1, will do a full-body cringe and probably dry-heave a time or two, and then have dark thoughts about my blood pressure, made annoying to him by the next thought, which is that my blood pressure is fine? (Genes are a bitch. I eat salt like other people breathe, with no ill effects on the ol' BP; it's the sugar diaBEETus or the poor ol' beat-up liver, not the hypertension, that'll eventually get me.)
3) That my grandboss gave our entire team a lecture yesterday on how she and the other three Senior Directors (on our team of twenty -- also we have one VP, five Directors, four Senior Managers, and two Managers, none of which are me -- we real top heavy up in my group) are "aware" of some " … well, disrespect in how people are treating each other around here," apparently including "sniping and backbiting" and "complaining to each other about people not delivering things they promised and so forth," and that this was "not aimed at anyone in particular here" but that "everyone should be aware" and that "we're not going to tolerate it" because it's "frankly unprofessional," and that she went on in this vein for nearly fifteen minutes, during which I wrote on my agenda in the guise of serious note-taking: "Probably this is related to me and Blue Flame. Also FYI, everyone here is fucking MISERABLE"?
Awesome Facts About Tim Lincecum
--He wears the same number as Kenny Powers.
--He struck out FOURTEEN BATTERS, allowing only two hits, in a one-run (as in, the only run scored was the one the Giants managed to get) complete-game victory last night.
--He got caught awhile back in the offseason with some herbal jazz tobacco in his car. Everyone was like, "Huh. Noooooo kidding. Timmy likes to blaze? Who knew."
--The other night as the Giants secured their spot in the playoffs on the very last day of the regular season, the reporter chick asked him "Are you ready for your champagne shower?", and he said -- on camera, on live TV and over the PA system in the still-full stadium -- "FUCK YEAH!!!"
--He puts one very strongly in mind of Mitch Kramer, who -- unfortunately for Mitch -- had the misfortune to be the pitcher the night of the last day of school, meaning the seniors knew exactly where to find him.
--This means, of course, that I have a great deal of affection for both and that I'm compelled -- COMPELLED -- to pepper his appearances with "Mitchy Mitchy Mitchy … hope you got more than a jock strap on under there, ya little rat!" and "You're eighteen, right?" etc.