Y'all know I ain't into football, but I usually watch the Super Bowl -- with TiVo, of course, because I don't know how people watch televised sports without it. And this time, the game was actually pretty good -- how bout that last quarter, sports fans? Takes a lot to get me interested in a football game not being played by HHL
, but damned if I didn't holler a few times loud enough to startle the baby. [Or just "baby," eh, Tunoi?]
But I wanted to talk about lessons learned from the commercials (and by the way, can we declare a complete permanent ban on saying you watch the Super Bowl "for the commercials?" What horsepucky.). So:
WHAT I LEARNED BY WATCHING THE COMMERCIALS DURING THE SUPER BOWL
1) Chicks and dudes are like totally different. Chicks want to talk and have like emotions and stuff, whereas dudes like to drink beer.
2) Everyone who is behind any part of the name, concept, product or service, public image and/or marketing of the entity known as "GoDaddy" should be forced to sleep on a pillow made of wet diapers for the rest of their natural lives.
3) Ugly girls do not deserve love.
4) Racism is totes hilare.
5) FOX has a new show coming out. It looks stoopit.
6) Smashed-in-the-goolies jokes are comedy gold. (Admittedly, they're even funnier if they're happening to Justin Timberlake.)
7) A woman can be a world-class competitor at a male-dominated sport (or "sport"), but she still has to show us her tits.
8) Chicks? You know, and dudes? Are like totally different.
But wait, DK readers: Did any of you notice what WASN'T advertised? Not even once? Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice! Seriously, no Levitra, no Cialis, no Viagra -- no "clever" imagery involving throwing footballs through tire swings or garden hoses spilling water all over the place, no knowing glances between middle-aged couples, no breathlessly rushed warnings about heart attacks or 18-hour erections. That was awesome -- let us thank Shatner for our blessings.
Labels: life 101, they ain't takin the TEE-vee