Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Also: I am supposed to "own this"

Things I Wrote In A Notebook During Meetings, In Which I Remember Neither The Meeting Nor Writing These Things During Them: A Sampling Of Fairly Recent Vintage, Well Past The Time When I Realized I Shouldn’t Do This Anymore But Proving, I Guess, That The Habit Is So Ingrained That It’s Pretty Much Unconscious/Lizard-Brain-Level Activity For Me

--REPEATED calls to action

--o’ersharing will resolve itself

--Etiquette Q: is it entirely kosher to ask a Q during the first run of a presentation?

--Every variety of muck and lard known to the takeout food industry.

--“action learning”

--[large drawing of a sign on a post stuck into the ground; many graphic flourishes]
exporter – importer

--apparently it was serious


--[large drawing of a sofa topped with an elaborate crown]
It’s Sofa King awesome!

--I am in ~total hate~ of that idea

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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

working a long-dormant muscle

It occurred to me -- and I'm not naming any former-overachiever, grade-grubbing, extra-credit-seeking perfectionist twit names here -- but it occurred to me that one might be a little too heavily invested in one's crafty-craft time with one's child if one knocks the toddler's hand away from the construction-paper mosaic because she was about to paste a blue square into the body of Muno (Muno is red, for chrissake. RED.)

Dial it the fuck back, Martha, Jesus.

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Fuck yeah, Obama!

That which lies buried in the cortex

So I’m by myself in the elevator at work yesterday (and please believe me, I am as christless tired of work, and of talking about work, as you are of hearing about it, but the setting is important because this is where I am supposed to be all professional and shit), and it stops a couple of floors down and a tall, sweet-faced rangy/awkward guy with a corona of blond curls gets in, and (certain of you gals know where this is going) driven by a force I did not realize had such power, my mouth actually began forming the word “Krakow!” This impulse was so strong that a strangulated “k…” sort of came out really quietly as my brain stomped hard on my treacherous sound-maker, going (at neuron-melting speed) “SHUT UP MOUTH! Leave the poor Krakow-bastard alone!”

But then later I was like, come on – you have options for dressing yourself and styling your hair that will not provoke this type of near-ungovernable response in women my age, so really, if the brain had failed to manually override the speaking mechanism, would it really have been my fault? Srsly. Krakow.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Of course what I actually said was, "Sure. Will do."

Replies Considered And Rejected In Response to An Email From My Manager Just Now, Wondering Whether I Can "Just Go Ahead And Put Together These Packets" For Tomorrow's 3-Hour Meeting, Given The "weight of this project in terms of its scale and importance," Because The 26-Year-Old Blue-Flame Meeting/Project Lead Doesn't Need To Be "Overly Burdened" By Doing It Himself

--Oh yes, absolutely, my calendar's completely open except for that massive deliverable you already laid on me today that I have to finish before I leave.

--Yeah, no problem -- I actually went to grad school for the specific purpose of adding grim irony to performing such tasks as printing and photocopying 40-page "packets."

--For sure -- happy to free up some time for Blue Flame. He's so terribly busy outranking me by two job levels while Facebooking, harassing people via transatlantic phone call and chatting up the new gal, I'd hate to burden the poor dear.

--So am I to assume you actually realize the "weight of this project in terms of its scale and importance," then? Huh. That's funny. I recall the entire area with which this big meeting is concerned being left off my 2010 goals until I myself pointed it out. But sure, I'm on it. Top priority.

--Actually, this is beyond the scope of my core competencies at this time, but if you'd like to loop back with me on it later, we can schedule some time on our calendars for a touch-base with our Sr. Manager and HR to discuss the matter in depth and create an action plan so that I can get up to speed and really own this piece.

--Or, how about this: Blue Flame can fucking do it himself since it's his idea and he'll get credit for it anyway?

--Why don't you get your mom to do it? I hear she likes that sort of thing.

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Wednesday, June 09, 2010

That and "We are not drunk now, but please believe us, we will be within five minutes of the end of this conversation."

Things Which Were Said Out Loud or Implied and Shot Across the Atlantic and the Continental US Via Thought-Cannon Into Our Faces On A Recent Video Conference Call With the Brits

--removed the tech-y stuff
--the choice of modules is entirely yours.
--“Tim” can speak to that bit …
--Of course we can discuss that again, though we did attempt to include and address your questions in the materials we sent yesterday …

--You are a collection of idiots.
--Jesus bleeding Christ NO you don’t have to use all the modules.
--Oh bugger, did I just say “speak to that”? You … you biz-speaking sluts have infected me with your verbal STDs!
--Whichever one of us is off-camera at any given time is pantomiming killing ourselves or the lot of you or both. It’s less angry than desperately sad, because honestly this is killing our souls. You are the worst.

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Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Also, Rayland Givens

Things That Are Impeding My Ability To Blog: A List In No Particular Order

--Starting P90X (all workouts commence 5:15 a.m.)
--Advanced extended failure-riddled neverending potty training of Kid Gleemonex
--Day job = kicking me in the lady business more or less 24/7
--Holiday weekend + a little PTO
--What feels like adult-onset ADD
--Cold + fog = sucking creative impulse out of brain
--A to-do list that grows with every item I scratch off
--Lack of sparkle motion

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