Monday, April 19, 2010

Sweet. What does mine say? Dude. Heh. What does mine say? Sweet.

Watching The Pacific, which incidentally is very good but not quite Band of Brothers, I am compelled at least once per episode to say “I don’t care if there’s a Russian tank comin up FLAT-bush AV-A-NUE – I ain’t fightin!” And seriously, y’all, I mean it. If the Russians had parachuted onto MY high school’s front lawn, I’d’a been all, “Добро пожаловать, русские! Где я подписываю вверх для типов заваривать водочки?”

That Shake Weight commercial – Holy Inappropriate Shatner! Mr. Gleemonex and I saw this from across the room as we were having a late lunch at our favorite restaurant y cantina, and could not believe our eyes. It was like, does Telemundo routinely cut over to softcore Pr0n after the futbol game, or what? What the fucking fuck IS this? And we haven’t even told anyone else about it because who would believe that? And then Saturday Night Live goes and does a thing on it – and NOW you all know. Look ye, and be amazed …

The call today was the worst one yet … ten people on the call, some of whom are IT Professionals, and only me and the Brits really understood the concept of the goddamn wireframe they sent us – I mean, like what a wireframe is. The Brits and I were trying to splain everybody – no, this isn’t how the website will LOOK. This is merely the [OMG STANDARD FUCKING TOOL SHOWING HOW THE INFORMATION WILL BE ORGANIZED JESUS EGG-FARTING CHRIST] … merely the way they plan to organize (“organise”) it. No there won’t be those boxes everywhere. No the fonts won’t all be the one you see on the document. No the backgrounds won’t be yellow. [KILL KILL KILL STAB STAB STAB]

*Or, as I typed into babelfish, “Welcome, Russians! Where do I sign up for the vodka brewing classes?” Who knows what that actually says. Maybe Twelve knows? Chorny chleb to you, my sister.

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Blogger Uncle Spike said...

I will have you know that you had this erstwhile Russian major scratching his head and wondering just what the FUCK you were telling those imaginary Russians in your head. Even had to look it up on Free Translation, which didn't help much beyond what I could translate. All I knew is that you were asking about signing up for something to do with vodka...which I naturally endorsed on first glance, btw. (As would those Russians. You'da been golden with 'em.)
And as for the Shake Weight...well, you can imagine me and my buddies just checking out that commercial (well, the HOT men's version - YT it if you want) and guffawing our heads off. Like a Exercise for Men Only magazine in motion. Wanking material was never so blatant.

11:40 PM  
Blogger Uncle Spike said...

Fer laughs: "Welcome, Russians! Where do I sign upwards for making types of vodka drinks?"

11:53 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

I love that you were able to pick out "vodka" at least ... :-)

Also, I frakkin love babelfish. Good times, my friend ...

Further also: I didn't know you were a Russian major!!!! One of the most fascinating subjects in life to me. Rawk.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Guinness74 said...

Google Translate basically got it, at least enough for me to understand the gist. They left of the "classes" part and just said "Where do I sign up for the vodka brew?" which I gotta believe would have done in the event of an invasion.

And, would you believe I've seen worse (better?!) on Telemundo?

12:04 PM  
Blogger Twelve said...

You kill me. Whenever I see Cyrillic letters, my brain yells "CHORNY CHLEB!" I overhead a nice old Russian lady say it on the el the other day and laughed until I cried. On the plus side, I got to sit by myself that day.

In re the wireframes, sounds like a case of ask-a-million-question-don't-listen-to-any-answers. Those people suck.

P.S. I also saw the Shake Weight early on, in a Best Buy I think, and couldn't tell anyone because of the shame, the awful shame.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Panda!!!! said...


6:17 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Oh Twelve, I miss you ...


11:03 AM  
Anonymous Blabbermouse said...

DYYYYYYYYING about the wireframe. Jesus egg-farting christ, the web site will not LOOK like this. How many times have I had that exact EXACT conversation with my clients.

11:22 AM  

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