Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Beats all you ever saw / been in trouble with the law / since the day they was born

So hey, another benefit of not drinking:

3). Fearlessly cruising past the biggest DUI checkpoint operation you've ever seen in your life (including in Texass), after a three-day weekend of boozetastic celebration capped off by a visit to your favorite restaurant y cantina for dinner.

Seriously, there were at least 20 cop cars, plus some riot vans and one of those huge Van-Halen-tour-bus things for gathering up the drunks (so they don't have to run every caught bastard into the station separately).

And of course, I mean "fearlessly" as in, if they stop me, I might get a ticket for some of my weak-ass driving because I am the Worst Driver Ever, which weak-ass driving is made worse by my lifelong fear of cops (who, where I grew up and spent my formative driving years, are in actual fact Out To Get You*), but at least I'm foolproof for the ol' DUI.

*Partial list of tickets young Gleemonex received in or around Cowburg, Texass, between the ages of 16 and 20, all of which resulted from and were the cause of individual stops:
--expired registration sticker (a 3"x1" item on your rear license plate)
--doing 61 in a 60
--no proof of insurance ($300, highest charge except the one for "gave chase")
--passenger not wearing seatbelt
--doing 57 in a 50
--burned-out signal light (my MOM'S car)
--expired inspection sticker (by one month)

Image from Toothpaste for Dinner, a kickass daily webcomic that you should read every day.



Anonymous Jenn in Sacramento said...

Ah yes ... Texass cops are something else. I was just in San Antonio last month and when I'm there I turn in a little ole lady screeching at the people swooshing by me who are actually going the speed limit.

I work with cops so when I'm on the road and pass one I like to look at them while I'm doing it. With a smile, of course.

10:26 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I didn't think anyone else read toothpastefordinner.com! I spent a great deal of "work" time going through the archives and delighting in the nerdiness of it.

6:02 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Yeah, jenn, I hear ya -- maybe I've got a shifty look about me, or something? I don't know, I just seem to be a POlice magnet. Dang.

Deb, you and me both -- I found Married to the Sea via dooce, spent a very productive workday going through pretty much the entire archives and laughing my ass off (seriously, there were tears, uncontrollable brays, the whole thing), and somehow managed to find nataliedee.com and toothpastefordinner.com off of that ... kind of a lifestyle change, once I had all three together. ;-)

1:11 PM  

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