Friday, March 19, 2010

Tofutti Klein

Shit that has GOT to STOP:

So J. Lo thinks she can remake Overboard.

J. Lo is an asshole.

So are the people who have remade Clash of the Titans, and anyone involved in the remakes of Top Gun [oh dear], Weird Science, et fucking cetera.

But not because the originals are so awesome that they shouldn’t be tampered with – just the opposite. Well, some of them are (Red Dawn*, 9 to 5, Footloose, Karate Kid shut up and get your damn hands off it WILL SMITH). But most of them, it’s precisely because they are sofa king bad that they are beyond perfect. People of my generation have seen these flicks hundreds of times – they’re so lightweight, so stupid, so D-U-M dumb – that they complete the full circle around and become GENIUS.

Holy Played-Out Shit-Licking Bug-Eyed Anti-Shatner, Hollywood: GET A NEW GODDAMNED IDEA. Just one. New. Fucking. Idea. Don’t the kids of today deserve a couple dozen dumbshit movies they can watch a million times over the summer and still quote when they’re 36? GOD.

* says “The original Red Dawn populated its cast with all the big teen celebrities of its day, which means there's at least a half chance we'll get a Red Dawn featuring some High School Musical bastards and at least two Jonas brothers.” Stand back, protect your shoes, Internets – I’m gonna hurl.

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Blogger Panda!!!! said...

I LOVED Clash of the Titans as a kid and I hope, hope, HOPE the new one is good.

I also saw a commercial for a remake of Death at a Funeral, which I loved when it came out just a few years ago! I guess they're making it American and ethnic. Except I love that Peter Dinklage is in this one too!

2:51 PM  

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