Sunday, December 13, 2009

I'm not even sure I believe that stuff about the 9-hour sexings.

New term, Internets: "Sting it up." As in, "The Rock n Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary show had its moments, but I could've done without the parts where Sting was Stinging it up."

It means "unnecessary beboppin and scattin or undeserved and unnecessary ponderousness instead of singing something straight; a condition born, one presumes, of an extraordinary sense of entitlement and deeply entrenched pomposity on the part of the singer." Anyone can Sting anything up -- this condition isn't reserved for Sting alone. Paul "Congratulations, You Met A Black Person Once, But Did That Really Deserve A Whole Album Written About It" Simon is one of the worst offenders. James Taylor loves to Sting stuff up (he's a practitioner of a subset of the art, known as "dickimento," in which the fact of what a ginormous dick you are tends to seep through into whatever you do so we can see it no matter what you've overlaid it with). Anybody who performs stuff in a way that's just pointlessly self-indulgent instead of the thing that made you famous? That's Stingin it up.

--DKGOML is not a Sting-hating enterprise, by official policy; we don't hate him at all, actually, especially in context as a Police, and of course as a bassist. It's just, you know -- Sting, GOD.
--In fact, we once chose a black-and-white photo of him from Rolling Stone as the image we copied for our stippling assignment in high school art class, and it turned out pretty well.
--In further fact, we received additional confirmation that we had met someone special when we saw this same image tacked to the wall of our college boyfriend's bedroom, back in his hometown the first Thanksgiving we spent with him. Reader, we married him.
--Try -- just try -- to say "stipple" without sounding like South Park's Big Gay Al.
--You can't do it, can you? Us either.

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Blogger bonnjill said...

Acceptable synonyms include "Mariahing it up" and "Whitneying it up." The judges will also accept "Celining it up." I wish they could just sing something without all the trills. It drives me crazy.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Kingfish said...

I fucking hate Seal. I just wanted to get that out.

Fucking scar and shit. "Some tiiiiimes we get a littlllle Crazy"


6:52 PM  
Anonymous Traceace said...

Kingfish I feel ya. Our DJ at our wedding was depressed that he was going through a divorce and was turning 50 all at the same time as our vows were being said, so he felt the need to punish all of us with his entire Seal collection. On repeat. for like an eternity. Fucker got drunk off our free bar and forgot that he brought real music with him.

4:06 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Until we grabbed him by the 50-year-old divorced balls and forced him to play the good shit -- I don't recall the downer stuff but I do recall wrestling Kent's dad onto the dance floor, a truly epic whiplash thing on "Come on Eileen" (Shatner help the person who was at the end of that line), a robot-off between Jen and that kid Pip, and something about a table being danced on and possibly knocked over. So it was all good in the end.

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Traceace said...

hxr, are you leaving your holiday wish list here? seriously confused by this post. Gleem it was good times, 4 yrs ago tomorrow.

2:35 AM  
Blogger francine said...

now this is the best post ever. AND THANK YOU JESUS H. SHATNER THANK YOU THANK YOU you don't know how much i needed to laugh at something other than catching poop in mid-air right now.

2:50 PM  

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