Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sometimes Mr. Gleemonex is a little slow with the goddamned TiVo remote.

OK, so this fucking awful Kohler commercial with the hot lady plumber. It has to die, and whoever “concepted” and storyboarded and sold and produced the fucking thing has to die with it. Hopefully in a bonfire that I set.

Here’s why.

--The story is, guy walks out of his house in the morning, sees hot lady plumber going in the house next door. She gives him the eye, he thinks he has a shot. He runs back into his house, starts flushing stuff down his Kohler toilet: a hand towel, his wife’s cute lingerie, a bunch of travel-sized toiletry bottles, and finally a 50-lb sack of dog food. Joke’s on him, because the Kohler swallows it all and asks for more. KILL KILL KILL STAB STAB STAB.

--Hot lady plumber? Where do they have those?

--You’re married, dickbag. And your wife is home. What kind of action do you think you’re going to get?

--Especially when the thing is, the hot lady plumber would have to come over because YOUR TOILET IS CLOGGED. Do you really want the kind of action that would ensue if the hot lady plumber is in fact turned on by unholy and unspeakable things blocking up the shitter?

--What is the message here? “If you regularly take massive, horrifying shits that back up the plumbing of your whole goddamned cheese-eating neighborhood, then by Jimmy, this is the can for you!” Because: nice. Real nice.

--The very CONCEPT of a toilet commercial. GOD.

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2 Comments:

Blogger francine said...

i will tell you who comes over when you break your toilet: an old man that smells like he smokes cigarettes and then swallows them and who will not only spend 20 minutes talking to you about his golden retriever but will also crack your toilet and cause it to shoot water out the bottom after he leaves claiming it is "fixed".

7:56 PM  
Blogger Sarah B. said...

I love you a lot because I think our brains work nearly the same way.

8:54 AM  

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