Wednesday, October 28, 2009

92 percent, yo. That means I gots a 92% chance of embarrassin myself.

Internets: Hey, Gleemonex. What up?

Gleemonex: Busier 'n a one-legged man in a ass-kickin contest. You?

Internets: Same. Various hoaxes, tiresome shit, the occasional flash of brilliance.

Gleemonex: Hey, I got a good one for ya -- did you know Obama is being influenced by the Antichrist?

Internets: Dude, you told me that one already.

Gleemonex: No, this is a new one! A post to the Old Hometowne Newspaper by another K-Mart University Comparative Religions post-doc fellow. And the Antichristing includes the rest of our liberal Congress and "that new Supreme Court justice, what's-her-name, Maria something."

Internets: "Maria something?"

Gleemonex: Well, that was implied. Apparently all we "one-world thinkers" who are under the delusion that we have great leadership now -- we're all against the Constitution, and for one world currency (even now in the planning stages!) and --

Internets: Whaa?

Gleemonex: Yeah. So check this out, a statement of ABSOLUTE FACT: "The Constitution was written by God-fearing men. Study these men and their priorities as leaders. You will get answers and direction. You must not forget this important fact: God made a covenant with the pilgrims on the Mayflower, and God never breaks a covenant with His people."

Internets: That sure is a fact, all right. Yes indeedy. I assume if you call it otherwise, you just "refuse to accept the fact," yes?

Gleemonex: You got it.

Internets: Tell me they mention ACORN.

Gleemonex: But of course.

Internets: That's in the bible, I'm pretty sure. Lemme check. ... Huh. Nope. Coulda sworn ... Oh well. So I presume also that Real Americans should Stand Firm and Speak Out ?

Gleemonex: You know my people too well, Internets. [terrorist fist jab]

Internets: So, about the Antichrist part?

Gleemonex: Oh, right here, the money shot: "My opinion is that our president and many of our elected politicians are under the influence of the spirit of the Antichrist, and the direction they are leading this nation is dangerous and destructive and will destroy millions of citizens."

Internets: Well, my opinion is that that is completely full of fresh, steaming flamingo shit.

Gleemonex: That's why I like you, Internets.

Internets: Right back atcha.

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Blogger Guinness74 said...

I would give a molar and a "shot-in-the-ass-with-a-BB-gun" to read the Old Hometowne Newspaper LTTE section. I could cancel my subscription to DirecTV and just enjoy the comic stylings of the Wal-MartU faithful.

You crack me up! And the only sad part is that I know these people are dead serious when they talk about this crazy, deluded nonsense.

6:24 AM  
Blogger Uncle Spike said...

Just checked the Old Hometowne Newspaper for this beaut. Would be completely laughable, except I trust you saying that these people do exist and hold sway in them thar parts. Yipes.

7:41 AM  
Blogger Spanish Johnny said...

If I may, I'd like to comment on your previous Yankee post. Disclosure: I loathe the Yankees. that being said I had nothing to do with the two following T-shirts I saw on Sox fans at Fenway a couple years back:

(1) FRONT: "A-Rod sucks."
Fair enough point. Hard to argue with.
BACK: "Jeter swallows."
Surprising twist. Well done, my homophobic masshole friend.

(2) "Jeter has AIDS."
Checkmate, other crass T-shirt manufacturers.

Crude and offensive? Yes. Effective as an anti-Yankee marketing tool? Highly.

9:34 AM  

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