You call Barry Manilow, and you TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL.
Internets: Hey, Gleemonex, how goes the shit-stirring in the old hometown newspaper?
Gleemonex: Just keeps gettin funnier over there, man -- the nutjob who said Obama is the Anti-Christ wrote ANOTHER letter to clarify. She's all, "I didn't say he IS the Anti-Christ! I said he has the makings of the Anti-Christ!"
Internets: OH! Well then! She's not a nutjob after all -- my mistake!
Gleemonex: I know, right? But then in the comments to THAT letter, some OTHER nutjob goes, "[Nutjob #1], did you know that the number of new registrants in Ohio was 666,000? You can do a Google search for '666,000 registrants in Ohio' and a large number of newspaper articles will come up."
Internets: Lookit me, I've got "The Google"!
Gleemonex: Seriously -- "Other total nutjobs agree with me! It's on The Internets, so it's true!"
Internets: Bitch, please. I bet she didn't even Google that. Somebody TOLD her that's how it was, probably in one of those emails your grandfather sends you with like 20 "FW:" in the subject line, and because it's what she wants to believe, she does, and repeats it wherever possible.
Gleemonex: You're dangerous for the low-information voter, you know -- people who didn't do so well at what in my day was known as "reading comprehension" and "critical assessment."
Internets: What can I say? Not my fault. You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have --
Gleemonex: -- no. That'll do.
Internets: -- the facts of life, the facts of life --
Gleemonex: -- I said, that'll do.
Internets: Fine. [sigh, major eyeroll] You were saying?
Gleemonex: OK. But then some awesome person whose name I don't recognize chimes in with "[Nutjob #2],Ohio has not yet verified their new voter registrations. Is all your research such high quality? The number 666 means nothing to intelligent people anyway." And it wasn't me, I swear!
Internets: Nice one!
Gleemonex: But then some OTHER allegedly info-seeking person pretends he DOESN'T have The Google, and comes out all "can anyone tell me exactly where Obama was born ? I can't seem to find that info., thank you..."
Internets: That's a direct quote?
Gleemonex: Yeah. Original punctuation preserved for authenticity.
Internets: Hang on, lemme Google myself real quick: "Hawaii. One of the fifty nifty United States, despite the presence of many brown-hued people." I say again: Bitch, please.
Gleemonex: Uh huh. Somebody noted that. But then after a little more back-and-forth, some other member of the Reality-Based Community delivers a sweet smackdown: "I know it is the 'mad season' but this year seems to be at a new level because of so many things. But we can count on religion to really stir the pot. Numerology of 666! Is this just insanity or veiled bigotry? Likely both."
Internets: There is hope yet.
Gleemonex: You heard it here, people: It was on the Internets, so you can believe it's true!
Gleemonex: Just keeps gettin funnier over there, man -- the nutjob who said Obama is the Anti-Christ wrote ANOTHER letter to clarify. She's all, "I didn't say he IS the Anti-Christ! I said he has the makings of the Anti-Christ!"
Internets: OH! Well then! She's not a nutjob after all -- my mistake!
Gleemonex: I know, right? But then in the comments to THAT letter, some OTHER nutjob goes, "[Nutjob #1], did you know that the number of new registrants in Ohio was 666,000? You can do a Google search for '666,000 registrants in Ohio' and a large number of newspaper articles will come up."
Internets: Lookit me, I've got "The Google"!
Gleemonex: Seriously -- "Other total nutjobs agree with me! It's on The Internets, so it's true!"
Internets: Bitch, please. I bet she didn't even Google that. Somebody TOLD her that's how it was, probably in one of those emails your grandfather sends you with like 20 "FW:" in the subject line, and because it's what she wants to believe, she does, and repeats it wherever possible.
Gleemonex: You're dangerous for the low-information voter, you know -- people who didn't do so well at what in my day was known as "reading comprehension" and "critical assessment."
Internets: What can I say? Not my fault. You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have --
Gleemonex: -- no. That'll do.
Internets: -- the facts of life, the facts of life --
Gleemonex: -- I said, that'll do.
Internets: Fine. [sigh, major eyeroll] You were saying?
Gleemonex: OK. But then some awesome person whose name I don't recognize chimes in with "[Nutjob #2],Ohio has not yet verified their new voter registrations. Is all your research such high quality? The number 666 means nothing to intelligent people anyway." And it wasn't me, I swear!
Internets: Nice one!
Gleemonex: But then some OTHER allegedly info-seeking person pretends he DOESN'T have The Google, and comes out all "can anyone tell me exactly where Obama was born ? I can't seem to find that info., thank you..."
Internets: That's a direct quote?
Gleemonex: Yeah. Original punctuation preserved for authenticity.
Internets: Hang on, lemme Google myself real quick: "Hawaii. One of the fifty nifty United States, despite the presence of many brown-hued people." I say again: Bitch, please.
Gleemonex: Uh huh. Somebody noted that. But then after a little more back-and-forth, some other member of the Reality-Based Community delivers a sweet smackdown: "I know it is the 'mad season' but this year seems to be at a new level because of so many things. But we can count on religion to really stir the pot. Numerology of 666! Is this just insanity or veiled bigotry? Likely both."
Internets: There is hope yet.
Gleemonex: You heard it here, people: It was on the Internets, so you can believe it's true!
Labels: christ on toast points -- politics, cryin' amazacrazy, I really am sort of an asshole sometimes, Lookee what the Internets done brung me today
posted by Gleemonex at 9:11 AM
6 Comments:
I just used The Google and found out that 666,000 Wii's were sold in the month of June. The number of The Beast! (Throws some horns in the air and headbangs!)
Idle hands are the Devil's playthings!!! Smash those Wii's and set a bonfire in the Church parking lot!
Obama virtually advertises in videogames! Coincidence? I think not!!! Oooh oooh, maybe that lady isn't so crazy! Huh? Huh? I'm totally onto something. I need to write a letter.
http://machinist.salon.com/blog/2008/10/15/obama_xbox360/
I know this is totally off topic, but your post made me think of a conversation I had with a friend years ago where she was talking about Tootalie, the "fat, black girl" from The Facts of Life. It took a minute to figure out what she was talking about, but we realized she had merged two characters into one.
Yeah, so I have "the Google" and I did for "666,000 registrants in Ohio" and it turns out that this is real news:
Columbus Dispatch
But, if you read the fine print, i.e. the actual article, you'll see that the number is really 665,949 which is about 51 short of "THE DEVIL"
Which would make the aforementioned Nutjob about 2 sandwiches short of a picnic!
Ah yes, those of us in Ohio are so proud of what is happening here. Did you by any chance catch the video of the mob at the McCain-Palin rally in Strongsville? I couldn't finish it because I was so disgusted: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjxzmaXAg9E&feature=related
Strongsville isn't a little hick town, it is a fairly affluent suburb of Cleveland.
This response is gold though:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arE0IIEfGhE
Drew got in on the fun - see his comment - too funny!
Ho shit, I just saw it, AF! That is HYSTERICAL!!! Tell him thanks from me ...
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