Thursday, December 10, 2009

C'mon, wolf out. Wolf it. Wolf it up.

OK, so can we please talk about this Lautner kid? I mean, I don't really want to talk about him either, but his cheese-eating teenage mug cannot be avoided by sighted persons in today's America, so -- it is to you, Internets, that I turn with this issue.

The issue is: His face looks like it is made of WAX. Poreless, smooth, solid-seeming though the folds be fleshy and the eyes too-deeply set. And not poreless like preteen supermodel girls, either, in that way that can just break your heart -- poreless like, he was born with linoleum skin, which has been buffed to a high sheen. It's fucking bizarre and unsettling, and I find it impossible to believe that anyone, no matter how naive and inexperienced, could find that attractive. And more to the point: I just ... what is the fucking DEAL with this guy? Why the wax face? WHY?

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Anonymous Traceace said...

I think his teeth are pretty damn white too!

2:28 AM  
Blogger Guinness74 said...

He's a replicant. Either that, or we've finally, as a society, realized that we can't genetically engineer the "perfect" person, so we had Microsoft create him. If his deep-set eyes suddenly go blue and look like they have cataracts, he'll have to be rebooted...or upgraded to Windows 7.

5:37 AM  
Blogger Panda!!!! said...

He has a face? I've been too distracted by all his shirtless photos to notice.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's a cylon

2:13 PM  
Blogger francine said...

he reminds me of martha stewart's chow chow(paw paw, as opposed to her other chow who unfortunately died in some sort of odd propane explosion).

7:45 AM  
Blogger Stink Eye & Tube Steak said...

Baahhhaahahah. Too fucking funny.

8:21 AM  

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