Sunday, August 07, 2011

I got the best one, honey -- it's Nathan Junior. I think.

So I'm out with the kid for breakfast -- sometimes that's the only thing to do when you're rousted out of bed at the ass-crack of dawn on a Sunday morning, amirite? -- and the place is mostly empty except for some old couples (the male half of one of which was droning on about Obama in a very Fox-"News"-influenced way while the wife ignored him) and two other family groups. One of the fams had four boys under the age of four -- the middle two looked like twins -- and the other had five kids -- three girls, about 12, 11, and 9, and two boys, about 7 and 6.

Now. Here's the thing. Everybody was well-behaved, it wasn't that. It was just ... OMG. Four boys under four. I'm betting the last one was either unplanned or a "Surely -- SURELY -- this'n'll be a girl. What are the odds???" sort of thing. And the other fam -- those two preteen girls were all made up and extremely carefully outfitted, and you could just feel the waves of preteen self-consciousness radiating off of them. It squoze my heart just to look in their direction, especially knowing my kid will be right there in about 8-9 years.

And both fams reminded me of how, back in the long long ago, I thought I'd like to have five kids. My fantasy about this was heavily informed, if not lifted wholesale, from the family in A Ring of Endless Light. You know -- living by the sea in a converted stable, everyone loves everyone, there are dolphins and books and shit. (BTW, that's a great book, which I only realized is actually pretty Godbaggy on re-reading about five years ago -- God stuff and sex stuff generally just flew right past me when I was a kid, the former because I was immersed in it anyway so who noticed a bucketload more here or there, and the latter because I had No Idea What Anyone Was Talking About, Ever, for real).

So but -- five. Yeahhh ... I'm gonna have to give you a no on that one (even if I weren't old as fuck already, so it's too late and a moot point besides). Four's waaay too many for me. Three would be ... well, in other circumstances, like if I could stay at home, I might possibly consider it, but it would be a completely different world, requiring complex and fraught mental and emotional adjustments of a sort that I am not currently up for. I was only able to think of two without reaching for the Glenlivet in the last year or so. I love being a mom, and I'm looking forward to this next one in a pretty profound way -- but after that, I'm done -- and my god FOUR OR FIVE? Holy shit.

This post brought to you by the fact that I am lazy, selfish, and risk-averse. Huzzah!

Labels: , , , , ,


Blogger bonnjill said...

My friends from high school have five boys. I don't know how they do it... I heard a rumor that he got snipped when she was in the hospital with the last one because he didn't want a sixth and she was all 'when can we do it again?'

7:42 PM  
Blogger Amblus said...

I *totally* know you're kidding, but you realize that thinking this through in a rational manner and deciding how many kids is right for you does not make you IN ANY WAY lazy, selfish and risk-averse. I mean, damn, I chose not to have kids and being told I'm "selfish" for this choice (and I have been, more than once) is just infuriating. order to be non-selfish I should have a bunch of kids I don't want? How does that make any sense? Doing what's right for you and your family doesn't mean anything except that you're smart.

6:29 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

bonnjill: OMG. I ... I have no words.

Amblus: You make me smile! You and me are totes simpatico on this. :-)

But I am owning "selfish and lazy" on grounds of goddammit I'm going to get to sleep in past 6:30 a.m. someday in THIS decade, not the next!!! Dammit!

10:19 AM  
Blogger Amblus said...

Not "lazy and selfish" rather, GOAL ORIENTED. I think sleeping in is a worthy goal, my friend.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Heh. I'll put it on my Development Doc for this quarter ... ;-)

11:43 AM  
Blogger francine said...

just brought home #2 a few days ago and it is blowing my mind. i'm cranked up on so much vicodin from the surgery that i think it's the only thing keeping me from feeling the ocular migraines i surely have from lack of sleep. but it's pretty awesome. #1 tossed a flip flop on #2's head but other than that he seems pretty happy to have a baby sister. and it damn near made my heart overflow to see my husband holding our 2 kids in a rocking chair. but still, yeah, no WAY i could handle a #3. and do you have any idea how much i'm struggling with needing the pain meds but wanting to not need them so i can just have several glasses of wine already?

4:05 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...


Just wanted to let you know. :-)

9:23 AM  
Anonymous Sana H said...

I remember announcing to my parents at age 12 that I wanted 8 kids. That came of reading Little Women and how much fun four kids could get up to left to themselves. I wanted to double the fun and 8 seemed a likely number.


8:13 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home