I'm'a stick to Holmes Magazine. All he cares about is you do the job right.

Hey SHAPE magazine: I had this whole thing all written in my head, all thoughtful and philosophical and a little bit deep, but you know what? It all really boils down to this:

Nobody would ever tell a man to BYO saltless butterless air-popped popcorn to a fucking movie with his friends so he doesn't pork out on movie popcorn, least of all as part of a bigger strategy composed of other sad, depressing little "tricks" (put seltzer in your "faux-mosa" at brunch with the gals! don't meet up in Starbucks for a scone -- go for a brisk walk!) to keep from porking out in general all weekend long thus ruining the effects of a week of "Spartan lunches" and "rigorous workouts."

Nobody. Would EVER. Tell a man that.

Fuck all y'all.