Wednesday, December 15, 2010

"Can we -- can we have PILLS, and COOK the corn??"

A List of Some Things I Reject

--The existence of a person legally named Channing Tatum.

--The alleged genius of Arcade Fire.


--Work parties on non-work time.

--The idea that anyone, anywhere thinks Family Guy is funny.

--The notion of "high meat," which is a near-criminally misleadingly light name for a very, very fucking horrifying thing: Raw, rotted meat, which certain culty freaks eat ON PURPOSE. I learned about it in a New Yorker article, and holy rictus-faced SHATNER do I wish I hadn't.

Now SERIOUSLY, dammit -- I have my rants (the raison d'etre of this blog), and I have my strong opinions about food, and all that, but I try really hard not to comment on what other people eat (at least while they're eating it in my vicinity, because godDAMN is it rude to disparage what's on your friend's plate). But this is waaaay beyond tolerable. This is a hill I will fight and die on.

The online version doesn't mention the high meat, so I'll share from the print version:

Torma ducked into the back of the house and returned with a swing-top jar in his hands. Inside lay a piece of organic beef, badly spoiled. It was afloat in an ochre-colored puddle of its own decay, the muscle and slime indistinguishable, like a slug. High meat is the flesh of any animal that has been allowed to decompose.
When Torma unclamped his jar, a sickly-sweet miasma filled the air -- an odor as natural as it was repellent. Decaying meat produces its own peculiar scent molecules, I later
learned, with names like putrescine and cadaverine. I could still smell them on my clothes hours later. Torma stuck two fingers down the jar and fished out a long, wet sliver. "Want a taste?" he said.

You're welcome, Internets. Who wants lunch?

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Blogger uncouthheathen said...

You know. First it was bagging on Sandra Bullock and now Family Guy. I mean...I don't even understand why we got married in the first place.

7:30 PM  
Anonymous Darlene said...

I just ...who would ...I don't feel so good...

And I have NEVAH found Family Guy funny. Mostly because the kid creeps me out a little, but also? Just not funny to me. And my ex bf just couldn't understand why I didn't howl when it was on his teevee....EVERY STINKIN NIGHT AT 7. Wonder why I dumped him?

6:24 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Uncouth, baby: All this time, I thought it was about my extraordinary crouton-making skills! Wasn't it?

Darlene: heh. And seriously, in a relationship, you don't have to like everything the same -- but ideally there's a lot of overlap in the category of "shit you think is funny," amirite?

9:22 AM  
Blogger islandwonder said...

Never heard of that until today. Completely disgusting.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Uncle Spike said...

Dear GAWD, where do I start? Channing: gotta admit, he rocks a Marlon Brando-circa-Streetcar look (have a droolworthy pic of him), but otherwise, meh. Arcade Fire: TOTALLY agreed. Family Guy: trying to understand, but it's a process, and not the easiest, either.

And high meat? You have GOT to be kidding me. I mean, putrescine and cadaverine cause involuntary retching in normal humans! And now, for me, so will the phrase "fished out a long, wet sliver" forevermore. Ennnhh...

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in total agreement with you on the "high meat."

3:43 PM  
Blogger Guinness74 said...

High meat? Meaning, you'd have to be high to eat it, or smell it, or go anywhere near it...and possibly that wouldn't even help either. I'm epicureanly curious myself and have been known to eat things that others might not consider edible, but you don't go eatin' roadkill (that's what it is!) out of a jar, even if you're from the South!

In other news, I kinda like Family Guy, but I don't go out of my way to watch much of anything on television any more. Plus, when it's on, it's usually tuned to something with Elmo or Brobee.

10:33 AM  

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