Cluckin' Chicken: The Personal Waterloo of Meat Consumption
So I was thinking about this, and I'm pretty sure I haven't eaten a chicken nugget in ... probably ... twenty-three years. I've eaten fast food now and then, just not nuggets (even as a kid, I'd order the 12-piece box, since I knew there'd be a couple in there that were inedible little wads of gristle) -- in fact, see this handy chart as to what my thoughts are on the various franchises:
GODDAMN, DO I LOVE ME SOME:
Taco Bueno
Dairy Queen
HAVE STRANGE UNSTOPPABLE WEAKNESS FOR, AT TIMES, LIKE MAYBE TWICE A YEAR:
Taco Bell
Wendy's
Jack in the Box
Sonic
CRAVE SPECIFIC ITEMS FROM, AT THREE-YEAR INTERVALS (APPROX.):
Long John Silver's (the crispy bits of fried coating, with malt vinegar)
KFC (chicken strips + biscuits + gravy)
WILL IF I MUST:
McDonald's
Burger King
It's a total of maybe ten-twelve times in a year, eight of which are usually on trips back to the Olde Hometowne in Texass (steak finger baskets! DQ Dude! Frito burrito!); living where I do, there's not a lot of fast food in my path, and there's plenty of good eatin' on the cheap everywhere (not like NYC, but it'll do), plus I just can't really ... I don't know, I don't like it and I don't feel good about myself, my health, the planet, factory farming, obese five-year-olds, the high-fructose-corn-syrup lobby, shame spiral yada yada yada whenever I do indulge, so I just don't eat it much.
But this fucking video featuring the horrifying pink chemical offal mulch that shall become the Nugget, which you've probably all seen already ... jesus scratching CHRIST. It almost made a full vegetarian out of me, instantaneously. It's my "Cluckin' Chicken" (Mr. Gleemonex and Twelve will get that) -- the thing that makes one renounce meat and meat products forevermore on grounds that OMIGOD I'M GONNA PUKE.
Nuggets. Uggggggh.
GODDAMN, DO I LOVE ME SOME:
Taco Bueno
Dairy Queen
HAVE STRANGE UNSTOPPABLE WEAKNESS FOR, AT TIMES, LIKE MAYBE TWICE A YEAR:
Taco Bell
Wendy's
Jack in the Box
Sonic
CRAVE SPECIFIC ITEMS FROM, AT THREE-YEAR INTERVALS (APPROX.):
Long John Silver's (the crispy bits of fried coating, with malt vinegar)
KFC (chicken strips + biscuits + gravy)
WILL IF I MUST:
McDonald's
Burger King
It's a total of maybe ten-twelve times in a year, eight of which are usually on trips back to the Olde Hometowne in Texass (steak finger baskets! DQ Dude! Frito burrito!); living where I do, there's not a lot of fast food in my path, and there's plenty of good eatin' on the cheap everywhere (not like NYC, but it'll do), plus I just can't really ... I don't know, I don't like it and I don't feel good about myself, my health, the planet, factory farming, obese five-year-olds, the high-fructose-corn-syrup lobby, shame spiral yada yada yada whenever I do indulge, so I just don't eat it much.
But this fucking video featuring the horrifying pink chemical offal mulch that shall become the Nugget, which you've probably all seen already ... jesus scratching CHRIST. It almost made a full vegetarian out of me, instantaneously. It's my "Cluckin' Chicken" (Mr. Gleemonex and Twelve will get that) -- the thing that makes one renounce meat and meat products forevermore on grounds that OMIGOD I'M GONNA PUKE.
Nuggets. Uggggggh.
Labels: cryin' amazacrazy, first-world problems, PMFSA, shit that has got to stop, sickened repugnance, the horror ... the horror
posted by Gleemonex at 10:15 AM
2 Comments:
OMFG. I too thought of "Cluckin' Chicken" when I saw the McSlurry video. Nugggggggh-ets indeed.
Your funny/thoughtful posts always are a high point of my desk-driving day. Keep up the good work.
Had a Big Mac, fries and real Coke this week. First time in years. Gosh, it was good. I ate the fries before I got home. And yes, they don't call 'em this anymore, but I "super-sized" it. A verb. Like "family."
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