Monday, December 06, 2010

"You can get seventy miles to the gallon on this Hog."

So hey, drivers of automobiles, could I ask y'all a favor? Could you please, if you go to the trouble and expense of getting a vanity license plate for your motor vehicle, go to the further trouble of making it something I can read and understand quickly, so that I don't almost rear-end you on the highway, or miss my exit, or get a spike of annoyance-adrenaline straight to the pineal gland because I don't fucking get whatever asininity you decided to scribble on the back of your stupid dumb Dodge Stratus?

Seriously. I get more goddamned annoyed at the ones I can't decipher than at the ones I can and am incensed by (e.g. the giant Suburban I saw at a gas station once with "BPROLIF", ugh, STFU).

But then again, I'm not one for vehicle personalization in general. One, stickers and decals and whatnot degrade quickly and thus look crappy quickly. Two -- and more importantly for me, having read way too much John Douglas -- the entire rest of the automobile-driving universe does not need to know anything about me or my family. Those stickers you can get that show the exact composition of your family? Yikes, really? Political bumper stickers? Way to get keyed, or piss off a cop and get yourself a ticket for going 37 in a 35. Places you've traveled, bands you like, alcohol you favor? Honestly, for once I'm not Judgy McO'Judgerson on this, it's just -- that stuff is just not something Jimmy Joe Jack on the turnpike or Marvin Creeply out in the parking lot needs to know, you get me?

Although I do appreciate the "W" people identifying themselves to me so that I may shun them, so there's that.

Labels: , , , , ,


Blogger Panda!!!! said...

BPROLIF? Please explain...

5:06 AM  
Blogger bonnjill said...

I don't understand the appeal of vanity plates either. Why would you choose to pay extra for a license plate that is easy to remember? Having a plate full of numbers and letters makes it easier to get in trouble and not get caught. "First two letters were AB but I don't remember the rest..." as opposed to oh yeah, it was "4SARAH."

6:20 AM  
Blogger alison said...

OK, I don't know what W people are. Wicked? Wiccan? Weird? Wonky?

9:10 AM  
Blogger Uncle Spike said...

BPROLIF = Be pro-life. (It took me a while, too.)
W = Dubya.

Gleemonex: Do NOT move to Illinois. Having spent 2 miserable years in the Chicagoland area, I can attest to the veracity of Illinois' claim to having more personalized license plates than any other state. There was even a guy I met who personalized a license plate to read backwards, so that people could read it in their rear view mirror. But the stupid-ass forgot to take into consideration that asymmetrical letters would not work in this case...let alone anyone who drove behind him trying to decipher the mess.

9:40 AM  
Blogger Uncle Spike said...

Oh, but I do have to give props to the best personalized plate I've ever seen: GEEKSTA.

9:42 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home