Rosemary: Satan's Favorite Herb

Internets, what is the fucking deal with rosemary? I had a beautiful lunch ruined by it again this week, and I’m goddamn tired of it.

It was going to be so good – heirloom tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, balsamic vinegar, all on toasted focaccia. I opened it up, salted my tomats, and took a big old honkin bite … aaaaaaaugh! Rosemary! Stealth rosemary in the bread! It was hidden – I didn’t see any of the hideous flecks when I checked, but oh Shatner have mercy, the stuff was riddled with it! Breadfail. Epic breadfail.

Rosemary is a perfectly lovely name for a person, a Lenny Kravitz song, and/or Satan's babymama. But the substance, the actual herb, smells like your grandma’s attic and tastes like dogpissed ditch weed that grew by the side of the 101 freeway. And it doesn’t help its case that those assmunches, Simon & Tardfunkel, sang about it in one of the single most annoying songs in the history of recorded music.

Put it in the Bin 'o Hellish Crap, alongside bananas, hamsters, and arugula. And set it all on FIRE.