Back off, man. I'm a scientist.

Internets, I’m sure it comes as no surprise that my Hometowne Skool District has announced it declines to show to its students the upcoming address to the nation’s schoolkids by President Obama.

The official announcement says that “in order to not interrupt instructional learning,” they’re not participating, but will helpfully provide a link to the webcast for families to view at home.

It gives me Tired Head* to think about this, but a couple of major points do suggest themselves:

--“Instructional learning,” eh? Somehow I doubt that. Y’all are the ones who think you ought to have a Bible class, for credit, in the public high school that is the only game in town. Plus also, what the Shatner is “instructional learning”?

--I’m sure, just totes, TOTES sure, y’all would’ve done the same thing if our former President, the Walking Advertisement for Abortion, had had the same idea. Because y’all are non political like that.

--“In order not to interrupt” learning, riiiiiight. So the weekly football pep rallies (carved out of “instructional learning” time every Friday via a “pep rally” bell schedule for the day), the frequent huckstery, Sham-wowzy sales/fundraising presentations, the overtly religious special assemblies featuring youth pastors and the like – those are some how not interruptors of “instructional learning”?

--The address is going to be about working hard, staying in school, taking responsibility for your education. Yeah, I can see how that’s some dangerous shit.

--A bunch of K-Mart University Poli Sci majors are freaking the fuck out about how they heard at the end the kids are going to have to “pledge to serve Barack Obama.” I know this likely came from the kind of multi-FW email my granddad and his friends send to each other, and seriously: As a nation, we are being held hostage by this kind of violently stupid and dangerous assholery. It’s scary.

In conclusion: Sorry, Mom. We’re never, ever moving back to Cowburg.

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*Credit for that phrase and many others I use must go to Liberally Lean in the Land of Dairy Queen, a popular blog out of the Olde Hometown. Written by one of the few actual liberals in the area, the comments section of LL is usually overrun by mouth-breathing semi-retards who fail to see the irony in comments like “Keep your dirty govment hands out of my medicare!” LL posted the ISD announcement, and there have so far been close to four hundred (400) comments on the subject (over the span of several related posts).