Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"Nonconformity, right. I can't remember the last time I saw a 20-something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist."

You know you’ve watched too much House, M.D. when: You wake up at a truly obscene hour (4:25) on a weekday morning with a staggeringly bad headache that runs up the back of your head from neck to crown, and your first thought, after checking to see that all your extremities still work and you can still see and whatnot, is to write down your own “patient history,” including the time the pain woke you up, exactly where it is, everything you ate, drank, and did the previous 24 hours, all that stuff about seeing and extremities functioning &c., whether you suffered any impact or blow that could be related (you did not), and whether this has happened before (which it did, at some sort of churchy youth retreat on "Lake" Bridgeport in 1991, also an inexplicable attack not helped by ibuprofen, ice or resting, all three of which remedies you are currently employing). And the reason you wrote all this down was, you know how patients so often take a nosedive straight onto death's door for seemingly less cause than this and nobody knows what the hell happened to them because they are unconscious, and it takes House forever and often includes a lumbar puncture and/or total-body irradiation, and you’re hoping to save them some time when they wheel you in on the crash cart. I mean, IF they have to wheel you in on the crash cart. If.

Totally unrelated but awse: WWBBD?


A. Nonymous, in the comments, pointed out it's not the crash cart they wheel you in on ... but A)I trust y'all knew what I meant, and B)4:25 a.m. screamer headaches don't leave you with much in the tank, mentally or physically. Heh.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

well hell, lumbar punctured her.
(think office space).

Or, in Russia, lumbar punctures you!

Do they not have stretchers where you live? Seems kind of uncomfortable riding in on the crash cart (isn't that the thing with the EKG machine and other tools?).

seriously, get better, and take this time to drown the axe pounding in your head by writing spurious, and harsh-worded LTTE.

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Traceace said...

I agree WWBBD? Dude sounds like you would be my favorite patient- easy on the paperworks cuz you don't sit there and go "uh honey when was it when I had that toe amputated?"... add a little caffeine- and possibly another form of pain killer. prolly some tight muscle somewhere in your brainium all pissed off from you thinking too hard.

3:52 AM  

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