They use these delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets, they use Alaska as a fundraising tool for their anti-second amendment causes.

Takin it from the top …

NOTABLE QUOTABLES
Holy silver-tongued Shatner, my friends – just when I thought I couldn’t love Caribou Barbie more, the Great One Himself shines his light upon her. NBC is being dickholes about running the whole thing on YouTube, but here’s a taste … and be warned: This will at last make converts of you all to the Church of Our Lord the Most High Shatner, may he bless every last one of us.

ONLY A LAWN IN YOUR GAME
Per the request I blog about a broken water sprinkler: Well, I don't know much about those, but I do happen to know an ugly racist joke from the pervasively racist milieu of my upbringing, involving three Chinese guys, three black guys, and the sound a sprinkler makes. Does that count?

HOT PROBS
Here's what's wrong with you, Guy Who Drives a Porsche SUV: You paid $55K+ for a car with the frames and doors from the Volkswagen Touareg, proving that you're one of those feckless idiots who buys the shiny logo instead of the real product. You took everything that's cool and kind of dangerous about a German driving machine, and bought the one that's ... an expensive minivan. I'm not sure what you do for a living, but I'm sure it involves professional dickery of one sort or another. And that's what's wrong with YOU.