Looks like yer pumpin a dry well, here.

You know how sometimes your brain will just get completely dried out, like they wrung it in a towel and salted it and put it on the drainboard for awhile, preparatory to slicing it thin and frying it in a little olive oil for a snack?

And then you think how snack is just such a terrible word, which sounds like smack, as in smacking while you eat, and how food noises, like on a Carl's Jr. commercial, are among the most sickening sounds ever, and maybe you could write about that for your little blog which you haven't updated in a week, but then you don't really have anything else to say about it except that in food/eating-related words you also hate "eatery," "toothsome" (especially since everybody uses it wrong), and "slurp," but seriously, who doesn't?

It's kinda like that around here ... nothin wrong, nothin ugly going on (life's pretty damn good right now, actually), no lag in my commitment to this great enterprise we call the Internets, just -- no good ideas or fresh outrages at the moment. So lemme axe y'all for help:

Throw some topics at me, people -- let's ballpark some figures, I'll bebop and scat all over whatever you're layin' down. Blogger for hire yo!