Thursday, August 13, 2009

"Mike Dexter is a god!" "Mike Dexter is a ROLE MODEL!"

Internets: Hey, Gleemonex. Stirred any shit today in the Olde Hometowne Newspaper?

Gleemonex: Nope – well, OK, a little, but as you know, they’ll never let my comment through.

Internets: Probably not. What were you on about?

Gleemonex: Oh, some K-Mart University philosophy major wrote a LTTE to say that this OTHER frequent letter-writer – who bravely signs what appears to be his real name on letters espousing a left-of-center political POV – is someone the Newspaper has lost control of …

Internets: They, like, print the lefty’s letters out of … fear? Of, like, his mighty pimp hand or something?

Gleemonex: Yeah, I guess. And so this guy grudgingly allows that the Paper can have different opinions represented if it really wants to –

Internets: Big of him.

Gleemonex: I know. And but then he tells a story – these fuckers are always telling clever little stories to illustrate their idiotic points –

Internets: Because that’s how they learned about Life and Wimmins and the Bible and such, at their pappy’s knee?

Gleemonex: I presume so, yeah. This one involved two hunters and a moose and a digital camera and … I don’t know, I lost track about halfway through.

Internets: Sounds kinky. But of course a Point Was Made, yes?

Gleemonex: Oh, obviously in his mind he was all, "QED mothafuckaaaaa!" … so I commented, “That was a charming story.” And I said that if the paper’s going to represent a variety of opinions – WHICH IT SHOULD [but clearly doesn’t since they never allow my comments through] – then Mister Billy Bob Shakespeare over there doesn’t get to say “well, all the opinions but yours.”

Internets: You left out the bracketed part?

Gleemonex: Yeah.

Internets: And the Billy Bob Shakespeare part?

Gleemonex: Duh.

Internets: Good call. Still won’t get through. The phone number you left had a 415 area code.

Gleemonex: I know. [sigh] But I’m really looking forward to some lively commentary on a new Sotomayor-related LTTE, from a guy who claims he personally knows lots of Hispanics – I mean, has absolute WADS of “acquaintances of Hispanic heritage” –

Internets: Does he know that doesn’t count if you address them as “boy” or if you don’t remember if it’s Maria or Elena who washes your undershorts?

Gleemonex: No. Shut up, I’m getting to the best part. So he wraps it up with this perfect gem of idiocy:

Most Republicans and many Democrats appropriately favor strict constitutionalists for the position Sotomayor seeks, as all justices should be. This nominee in the minds of those folk does not measure up to that requirement. Their conscience decision to reflect that decision in their vote is neither racial nor ideological, as is Mr. Sargent's political cartoon.

Internets: ABORT RETRY FAIL?

Gleemonex: Heh. Exactly.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I read that LTTE, I was thinking that the ranter's writing was a literary version of trying to divide by zero. i almost wished my computer would have bluescreened while I was reading it.

On another note, i once contacted the paper about their LTTE archive, and someone got right back to me and was as helpful as they could be without being able to do what I wanted. Anyway, I bet if you scraped an email address from the LTTE site then you could email someone and ask them if they just deny everything with outside WC phone numbers? Just a thought.

But then, we'd not have these interesting and funny blog posts about the simple act of commenting on another site. You sure use words good.

3:39 PM  
Blogger francine said...

i bet you are writing letters to the city where i work. not soley because of the police blotter which would seem to parallel the demographics of the readership you describe, but also because of the bumper sticker i have seen twice in town: "kenya called. they want their marxist back." INAPPROPRIATE.

5:35 PM  
Blogger bgirl said...

I really want to invent an emoticon that portrays a dramatic dropping of the head, shrugging of the shoulders.

Because I could use it right now.

%(

12:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No new posting about how Radiohead is not making any new music anymore? I'm surprised you didn't have a comment about it!

7:28 AM  

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