Talk to the ball-peen hammer
Listen, you chatty motherfucker on the bus, you social retard, you ignorant boob of a man: I do not ride the bus to make friends. I ride it to GET TO WORK. And what I want to do during that ride is one of two things:
1) Read
2) Sleep
Do you see "Converse with you about the dumbest things ever and listen to you talk about your job and SF's urban planning or lack thereof and its consequences for this or that building we are currently passing et cetera ad infinitum, from the stop where we both board the bus till the stop where we both disbark, which is unfortunately for me the end of the line so as to allow for maximum running of your stupid mouth" on that list? No? Then what the cocksmoke are you bothering me for?
Why do you love talking so much, and particularly to the one person in your near vicinity who has not one but BOTH of the Universal Leave Me The Fuck Alone signifiers deployed (iPod and open book)? Why did you have to distract me from Clockers (last week) and Return of the Player (this week)? What are you not getting about "Yeah -- this is sort of my naptime. I have a nine-month-old baby, you know. So I usually like to sleep on the way to work if I can"?
I hate you so much. May termites infest your stupid new deck, sir, and may laryngitis strike you with a mighty vengeance forevermore. Praise the righteous Shatner.
1) Read
2) Sleep
Do you see "Converse with you about the dumbest things ever and listen to you talk about your job and SF's urban planning or lack thereof and its consequences for this or that building we are currently passing et cetera ad infinitum, from the stop where we both board the bus till the stop where we both disbark, which is unfortunately for me the end of the line so as to allow for maximum running of your stupid mouth" on that list? No? Then what the cocksmoke are you bothering me for?
Why do you love talking so much, and particularly to the one person in your near vicinity who has not one but BOTH of the Universal Leave Me The Fuck Alone signifiers deployed (iPod and open book)? Why did you have to distract me from Clockers (last week) and Return of the Player (this week)? What are you not getting about "Yeah -- this is sort of my naptime. I have a nine-month-old baby, you know. So I usually like to sleep on the way to work if I can"?
I hate you so much. May termites infest your stupid new deck, sir, and may laryngitis strike you with a mighty vengeance forevermore. Praise the righteous Shatner.
Labels: balls o'clock a.m., douchebaggery, I really am sort of an asshole sometimes, indignities of transit, Jesus H. Christ in a sidecar drinking tequila, Stab stab stab stabbity stab
posted by Gleemonex at 9:09 AM
2 Comments:
I swear, I do love your rants. They are righteous and extremely humorous and so dead on. These are so the things I want to say to people. Can I hire you to sit at my desk all day? *laughing*
Oh Lord, if only you weren't a Yankee fan, you'd be my BFF.
Riding the bus with normal, non-annoying people? Yeah, good luck with that. Time to add the third Leave Me The Fuck Alone signifier -- the dark, dark, can't see your eyes sunglasses. In combo with the iPod and the book, it's pure gold. Unless you can't read through them. Sorry, I'm outta ideas.
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