Who needs teeth, anyway? Or feet. Or eyesight.

Saw this ad the other day on the side of a city bus – McDonald’s pimping a 32-ounce sweet tea for one dollar (American), described as a sweet treat for summer or some such. My initial reaction was a grimacing “bluh!” and the thought “Yeah, like this country needs 32 ounces of sweet tea for a buck, cause not everybody has Type II dia-BEET-us yet.”

But then it occurred to me that McDunk’s is just nationalizing what My People have been doing for like ever. In my hostessing/waitressing career at various chain eateries in the Cowburg, Texass area back in the day, it was always part of the job to keep those 10-gallon tea maker things brewing and to offer the drinks immediately – and it was a rare table that would not have iced tea all around. For about a dollar, the glasses were 32 ounces, with constant unlimited free refills, and “iced tea” meant “sweet tea” – you had to ask special for unsweetened (which, eew). In fact, the thing about the beverage I know as “tea” is that you have to pour in your million pounds of sugar while the water is still hot, before you add the cold water, or it won’t all dissolve. (Internets, I can actually see in my mind the full-face rictus of disgust involuntarily stamped on Mr. Gleemonex’s head as he reads this – he’s not from My People, you know, and even after sixteen years of knowing me, he still watches with horror as the empty sugar packets pile up on restaurant tables we share ... I tell him he should just look away, but perhaps he is compelled, in a train-wreck sort of way.)

So anyhoo, drink up, America, and remember to use fluoride rinse tonight!