Can't pitch Sunday -- that's the Sabbath

You guys know how much I hate the Oakland A's, right? Well, one of my many reasons is the variety of nasty facial hair on display at any given time, but the other night a relief pitcher named Chad "Mose" Gaudin was sporting the most awesome Amish red beard-o-rama that Mr. Gleemonex and I could not stop ourselves -- for like an hour we were all:

"He just got back from Rumspringa."

"He totally made his own glove from a cow he slaughtered himself."

"He's got to raise a barn on Saturday."

"I hear his wife is really plain."

"His uniform fastens with hooks and eyes. And I'm pretty sure I see suspenders under there."

"He only pitches day games cause you can't light a stadium with candles."

"There's talk of having him shunned!"

"I hope he's careful out there among them English."

"Well, guess he won't be pitching again for a few weeks -- they gotta send him on ahead of the team in his horse and buggy."

Oh, the A's -- the team that keeps on giving!