Schlock tips
JORDAN ALMONDS: STRONG BUY
Hey Liz -- the eighties called. They want their "colour" scheme back. (And on a side note: Lawrence is gay, right? If I may be permitted a sweeping and possibly offensive-to-some generalization, what's with him accepting this teal-and-violet nonsense without demur? No demurrance at all, Larry baby? Really? I think the union's gonna dock you for that one.)
MOONLIGHT/MAGNOLIAS: HOLD
Apropos of nothing: Y'all remember that piece-o-shit dramatic television miniseries event North and South, based on the craptacular piece-o-shit pulp novel of the same name by the Master of Schlock, John Jakes? Holy moly, was I into that, back in the day. I had this insane Deep South/antebellum obsession, manifested in such things as making a stop at the Olde-Tymie Picture Shoppe at Six Flags every time I went there to get my photo done in a goddamn hoop-skirt dress, reading Gone with the Wind ten hundred times, and of course, watching/reading North and South. This one time, my brother got hold of the VCR remote while I was watching my taped-from-TV copy of N&S, put it on super-slo-mo and played this shot of (I think) The Swayze smacking the crap out of some blonde woman again and again and again. And it kept gettin funnier the more times he did it. And more than twenty years later, just thinking of that still makes me laugh my braying donkey laugh.
COUGARAMA: SELL
I gotta give A-Rod points for originality -- you all know how much I hate that energy-sucking, postseason-allergic, baseball-ruining douchebag, but at least he busted up his marriage over something other than the usual boring 19-year-old stripper, eh?
Hey Liz -- the eighties called. They want their "colour" scheme back. (And on a side note: Lawrence is gay, right? If I may be permitted a sweeping and possibly offensive-to-some generalization, what's with him accepting this teal-and-violet nonsense without demur? No demurrance at all, Larry baby? Really? I think the union's gonna dock you for that one.)
MOONLIGHT/MAGNOLIAS: HOLD
Apropos of nothing: Y'all remember that piece-o-shit dramatic television miniseries event North and South, based on the craptacular piece-o-shit pulp novel of the same name by the Master of Schlock, John Jakes? Holy moly, was I into that, back in the day. I had this insane Deep South/antebellum obsession, manifested in such things as making a stop at the Olde-Tymie Picture Shoppe at Six Flags every time I went there to get my photo done in a goddamn hoop-skirt dress, reading Gone with the Wind ten hundred times, and of course, watching/reading North and South. This one time, my brother got hold of the VCR remote while I was watching my taped-from-TV copy of N&S, put it on super-slo-mo and played this shot of (I think) The Swayze smacking the crap out of some blonde woman again and again and again. And it kept gettin funnier the more times he did it. And more than twenty years later, just thinking of that still makes me laugh my braying donkey laugh.
COUGARAMA: SELL
I gotta give A-Rod points for originality -- you all know how much I hate that energy-sucking, postseason-allergic, baseball-ruining douchebag, but at least he busted up his marriage over something other than the usual boring 19-year-old stripper, eh?
Labels: balls in YOUR mouth sir, beisbol a been berry berry good to me, demoralizing confessions, douchebaggery, indefensible positions, they ain't takin the TEE-vee, unholy obsessions
posted by Gleemonex at 2:42 PM
1 Comments:
I haven't thought of N&S in a long, long, long time, so thank you for that. Was also a Magnolia-in-training for a brief period...right before my "slaves weren't paid?" realization.
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