Monday, March 25, 2013

Debbie Reynolds was yukking across the stage in a silver Afro wig ... to the tune of "Sgt. Pepper," from the golden trumpet of Harry James.

Thoughts While Watching My Kid's Dance School's Spring Repertory Show

It was the older kids, mostly 10 and up, and I took her because it's fun to watch dance shows in a great, restored old theater and she wanted to see her own dance teacher and kids she knows from the school. So: 

--Streisand. Jesus. Are you fucking kidding me, two different Streisand numbers? And of course one of them was the worst song in the history of recorded music ("Send in the Clowns," obviously).  Un-fucking-BEARABLE.

--Tap looks like so goddamn much fun! I'm serious, I hated tap back in the day -- I was a ballet purist -- but I've reconsidered now that I'm old. That one Louis Prima number, particularly, was a blast.

--Some of these gals ... ah. How to say. Some of them could use a little womanly guidance in re: the art and science of chestal support garments. This fact made me actively cringe, because I know the girls are only preteens or teens, but take it from someone who's been stacked like Mamie van Doren since fourth grade: You're gonna dance, you're gonna need a real bra.

--The song "That's Life!" has been permanently ruined for me by the Howard Stern Show. Thanks to the parody song about Baba Booey, "Those Teeth," I could barely even deal with them dancing to it, for the laughing-on-the-inside going on in my head as I overlaid the lyrics with "Those teeth! (those teeeeeth!) They are green and / they are grey, his breath's so horrendous / his dentist passed away!" etc.

--Similarly, "Luck Be a Lady" -- hilarity-ruined by Krumholtz's a cappella version in Slums of Beverly Hills. We actually called Krumholtz "Luck Be a Lady" (with utmost appreciation, mind) for years before we learned his name, up here in the Gleemonex household.

--None of those gals would think it was funny if I added a strangled, hooting "Puh-in on 'e Riiiiiiz!" into their cool jazzy dance to the hybrid Astaire/Taco version of that song. They would think there was something really wrong, and sad, about me, is what, especially if I kept laughing for like three days about it the way I am actually doing right now.

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Anonymous Maggie said...

OK maybe none of them would find the Puh-in on 'e Riiiiiiz funny but I'd laugh my ass off if I was in that audience. I'd probably have to be removed due to an inability to stop cracking up.

12:29 PM  
Blogger francine said...

And I can't stop cracking up reading this post! You are always too, too funny. (Please never stop being that.)

6:36 PM  
Blogger Uncle Spike said...

OMG...I had never seen the "Puh-in on 'e' Riiiiiz!" version before. I like to fell off my face laughing. And trying to imagine that at a school dance recital? BRILLIANT. I would PAY.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Awww, I love you guys! :-)

Uncle Spike: OMG, you've never seen Young Frankenstein? DO IT!!!

12:53 PM  

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