BULLETIN: Damn Kids email hacked -- don't read any emails from "Your Mom"

Hey kids, sorry for the troubles, but if you got an email from "Your Mom" this morning, and it's not from your actual mom, it was some asshole hacker out of Turkey trying to sell you ViAGrera or Hot sexey older married ladiyes who want to get friendly wiht you today or send me money cause I'm stranded at gunpoint in London.

None of those things are true! I'm safe in the Silicon Valley, not selling anything (these peridots of wisdom are free, y'all!), and while I *am* a sexey older married ladiye, I don't want to get friendly with any of you, at least not in that way.

Christ, don't these fucking cocknuckles have anything else better to do with their fucking time?