So at the gym this morning, I'm going hard on the elliptical (one of those things where it's really great that I'm almost 40 and no longer care what anybody thinks of what I look like, cause y'all, I'm gettin my workout on and it ain't pretty, what with the multiple speeds, the creative arm positioning, the sprints, the low-squatting hammy blasters, the forward-leaning hill-chargings, etc., but it is effective). Got the 9-year-old iPod playing a really random mix of tunes that lift the soul and/or make me laugh (you'd be surprised how much fun it is to act like you're stomping down the beach to the Miami Vice
theme). The View
, a show I would never watch of my own volition, is on the teevee directly in front of and above me. Mostly I am focused on my workout and the low-wattage reading of Real Simple that distracts me from 45 minutes of this nonsense, but every once in awhile I look up and there's Elisabeth "Totally Not Racist Because: Whoopi" Hasselbeck, really unfairly pretty still, wrinkling her widdle cute nose and furrowing her widdle cute brow over something that my snippets of glances at the closed-captioning reveal includes "and I just think it's not fair" and "95% of women" and blah blah blah, which, whatever Hasselbeck, you never had to work for it and you're a specie of person -- the female Republican -- that I am just astonished by its existence so I don't care what you say because it's bogus and unreal and totally insane. But then I see the words "women who have abortions" come out of her White Republican Concerned Face, and I say out loud, "Ugh, shut up, Hasselbeck
." And the lady cruising along on the machine next to me, a 60-ish Wealthy White Republican Female,* choke-laughs and goes "Hasselbeck
!" We exchange a "This
fuckin' broad!" look that would make Joe Biden proud, and continuar.
*Trust me, I know how to spot 'em.
Labels: balls in YOUR mouth sir, christ on toast points -- politics, Janice says you're welcome, tap-dancing on my last fucking nerve, they ain't takin the TEE-vee