Monday, December 31, 2012

Let's go do some crimes!

Happy Festivus and muchos felicidades to all y'all -- here's to a happy and blog-filled 2013! With that, I give to you with much bogglement:

A Small Handful of Things That Happened While My Wee Fam Was In Texass Over Xmass

--It was a weird, still, humid, tornadoey 80 degrees when we got there, the kind of weather that makes you A) scan the skies nervously and B) mightily -- MIGHTILY -- regret the wearing of jeans because goddamn the way they stick to your skin in these conditions.

--Three-ish days later,* it was 16 degrees and spitting snow-ice. My mom's house, where we were bunkered, is over 100 years old, with 12-foot ceilings, original windows, and hardwood floors built nice and high over a hollow and ancient foundation. The heating, such as it is, consists of open-grilled gas space heaters, the same ones in continuous use since at least my own early childhood. I will leave you to draw your own conclusions as to our physical comfort and our peace of mind w/r/t the toddling Danger Baby and his consuming lust for new peril.

--Just before midnight one chilly eve, we were all awakened by the sound of seven (7) gunshots in the relatively near vicinity. A 911 call produced two cop cars in the drive within about 45 seconds, which is pretty great service (also the house is "in town," about four blocks from the courthouse square and three from the police station so there's that). Other neighbors had called the cops also, and after a look around the property, the officers concluded it was "probably just some dumb kids." Firing off lethal weapons, in a populated area, for fun, at midnight during Christmas week. So obviously we were totally relieved.

--First-degree blood relations of mine agreed that the proper response to this incident was for them to get their own concealed-carry licenses and the firearms pertaining thereto. Mr. Gleemonex and I agreed that the proper response to this incident was to not ever go back to the town of Cowburg or indeed the state of Texass again without a funeral-level reason.

*I never know what day it is or how many days have passed while I'm there, the whole fucking state is a wormhole on the time/space continuum.

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Blogger francine said...

So similar to my Xmas time, except I am forever trapped here. Just kidding. S.A. seems a might fair different from your old neck of the woods and I only heard one gunshot that turned out to be kids creating some sort of explosion inside a 3 Liter Sprite bottle. I still don't know how Victorian women survived in this state. The enormous weather swings would have them fainting left and right and then taking to bed every hour.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Panda!!!! said...

The response! I just cannot get over the response!

11:32 AM  

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