"It's HARD to hit home runs, and where the heck didja get TWO of 'em?"

God, you guys, I love Paul O'Neill sofa king much!

We record every Yankees game all season long (we have that MLB Extra Innings thing from DirecTV), and my favorites, my real must-watch games, are the ones where Paulie's in the broadcast booth. He's really knowledgeable and sharp about what's going on, but he's also just this goofy dude, a Midwesterner despite all those years playing in New York, and he cracks me up every time I hear him. Last night I thought I was gonna stroke out, listening to this (as near exact a transcript as I could make):

[lull in game play]

O'Neill: Where do people hang out on Labor Day weekend?

Singleton or Kay: ...

O'Neill: I left [for the Stadium] early, thinkin there'd be all this traffic, but there was nobody on the road.

S/K: Maybe they left yesterday.

S/K: Last beach weekend.

S/K: The house shares all end.

O'Neill, to whom the words are in English but make no sense strung together: ... the ... house shares ... all end ...

S/K: Yeah, Jersey Shore, the Hamptons -- guys have shares ...

O'Neill, musingly, baffled, at half-volume: ... shares? ...

[actual baseball commentary]

[some time later]

S/K: So yeah, the shares run Memorial Day to Labor Day, then you gotta get the housecleaners to come in.

O'Neill: So it's like Animal House out there?

S/K: [laughter] Sorta ... not exactly ...

And then there was this, where in another lull in the game, the camera guys zero in on a sixtyish woman in the stands who's knitted a little teddy bear in a baseball cap and is now embroidering something on the front of its shirt. They all try to figure out what it says ("Texiera?" is one guess), then Paul opines:

O'Neill: Knitting. My mom used to knit. [kind of aggrieved] I'd go in a room and she'd be sitting there knitting, and it just looked so boring.

S/K: [laughter]

O'Neill: I mean, there's so many things you can do ...

[crosstalk]

O'Neill: I'd always just leave the room.

S/K: Maybe she didn't really, she only did it so you'd leave.

O'Neill: [giggling] Three brothers and one sister ... maybe so!

How can you not love this guy? Shatner bless ya, Paulie!