Monday, February 01, 2010

The very same breakfast pastry that I was currently enjoying!

Internets: Hola, Gleemonex. What’s shakin?

Gleemonex: Oh. Well. If you came here to ask me, I think you already know …

Internets: Who, me?

Gleemonex: Yeah …

Internets: So. Spill!

Gleemonex: It’s a pretty good one: Guy writes in to the Hometowne Bugle-Noisemaker denying carbon dating –

Internets: Ha! Really? Carbon dating?

Gleemonex: Oh yeah, he says it can easily be faked, and that it happens all the time, which should be “all the evidence and science that any sane and reasonable person without preconceived notions or bias ideology would need,” so take THAT you “atheistic community and God deniers”!

Internets: Hmm. Context clues … I assume he’s 100% certain that dinosaurs and mankind coexisted?

Gleemonex: You do know my people. “To all of you evolutionists; more than one fossil of a dinosaur footprint with a human footprint right in the middle exists. That means that men and dinosaurs walked this earth at the same time - not millions of years apart. That should be enough evidence for all you science fans. But wait. There's more.”

Internets: Oh, SWEET! There’s MORE??

Gleemonex: You know it, broham. These guys are never into the whole brevity thing. “And how about global warming, or cooling, or climate change? I forget which lie they are selling today.”

Internets: O … kay … please tell me there’s something being shoved down someone’s throat. There is, right?

Gleemonex: But of course! He bitches a little, randomly, about Al Gore, then says to nobody in particular: “Here's some evidence that I can prove - the climate does change every so often. It's called spring, summer, winter and fall.”

Internets: Got you there, you atheistic God denier. I mean, he mixed up the order of the seasons, but …

Gleemonex: I know. Hee. But about the throat-shoving: See, he PROVED his assertion, and frankly, he doesn’t want you to ”try to shove a lie down my throat that can't be proven.”

Internets: There’s the money. Very paranoid about their throats, this bunch.

Gleemonex: Uh huh. But in all this rambling – and there is more, lots more – I have to say I think my favorite single sentence is his zinger in the last paragraph: “Well, it looks like the science is settled, folks.” Holy dinosaur-track-making Shatner did that make me laugh! Evolution, geological science, carbon-dating, and climate change all settled!

Internets: By him!

Gleemonex: In the Hometowne Bugle-Noisemaker!

Internets: Using only his bible, his tack-sharp mind, and his personal unbiased empirical observation of the “indisputable facts”!

Gleemonex: That’s all it takes.

Internets: True dat. True dat.

Labels: , , ,


Blogger Spanish Johnny said...

Come up from that muff for an hour and read the Hometowne Bugle-Noisemaker!

7:49 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

[dies laughing]

7:51 AM  
Blogger Panda!!!! said...

There's an article in the Feb Vanity Fair about a creation museum in Kentucky where there are exhibits of Adam & Eve alongside dinosaurs. It's in a museum, therefore it must be REAL!

9:06 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home