Are you EMPLOYED, sir?

Well, Internets, we're dismissed early today, and have the day off on Monday, so before I disappear into potty-training boot camp for three desperate days, I'm'a give y'all some work-related fun bites. Enjoy! And remember: If your job description no longer includes making or fetching lattes for your boss at her whim -- her snippy, passive-aggressive, insane bitchass English whim -- you're doing OK.

Client: You know about final cut pro right?
Me: Yes.
Client: I hear there is a button that makes the video go into focus.
Me: What do you mean into focus?
Client: Well I shot video but it’s all out of focus and I hear there is a button in final cut pro that will fix this for me.
Me: I don’t think that’s possible.
Client: I thought you said you knew final cut pro.

Clients From Hell

Guy A: "For this project, we have a text document with all the copy that will go on our 1,500 page site. We will need to build mockups of all 1,500 pages in Photoshop and update each of them every time there's the slightest text change in the word document."
Guy B: "That sounds like a great way to streamline the work flow and make sure there are no confusions."

Business Guys on Business Trips

• Boss: What's the name of that coffee place?
• Me: Uh, that we ordered from for the meeting?
• Boss: No, no... that coffee place. The one that I like.
• Me: Do you mean Starbucks?
• Boss (snapping fingers): Starbucks! That's it.

Things My Boss Has Said (another Sarah Brown joint)