Monday, January 25, 2010

Mike Holmes: Godlike man, or actual god in man suit?

Fresh hot new obsesh, y'all. Holmes on Homes.

Somebody done your house wrong? Some lazy good-for-nothin (probably a lush) piece-a-shit contractor drywall over a gigantic skein of live wire, 130 junction boxes (128 of which are totally unecessary) and a mold spore the size of a goddamn Great Dane? Some idiot with a total of four (4) days as a runner on a convenience-store construction site sign on to double your house's square footage (now that the triplets are on their way and also your widowed gramma is moving in), then absconded with the funds and also sued you for $90K more? Fired a crew that you caught replacing your main roof beam with a bunch of taped-together toilet-paper rolls, but they already cashed your checks and now they're so gone, it's like they never existed (sorta like Ian Ziering)?

Mike Holmes will kick ass, take names, put a goddamn vapor barrier on your basement for pete's sake, and bring his guys in (he knows about ... seventy-five guys) to prevent your family from dying in a fire, being crushed under rotted termite-infested timbers, or living forever in raccoon-piss-smelling squalor. And it will look fucking AWESOME. You will weep.

I'm telling you guys: We watched, I think, eight hour-long episodes this weekend. CANNOT GET ENOUGH. MUST HAVE MORE HOLMES. Holmes for President. Holmes for Emperor. Holmes for breakfast.

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Blogger alyce said...

Did they air the one here a woman rented her house and it became a marijuana hot house? That one is incredible.

I wish there were new episodes. I think I caught a lot of these when they were on Discovery or something.

7:37 PM  
Blogger Guinness74 said...

C. loves Holmes. It's a decent show, but gives me a serious inferiority complex. I mean, I can barely clean out the dryer lint trap much less drywall or anything related to construction. I know how to paint...that's it.

9:24 PM  
Anonymous berwie said...

Love that show. Just wish we could get him to come finish remodeling our house....

6:53 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Amen to all three of y'all ...

8:49 AM  
Blogger Panda!!!! said...

I've only seen it on mute at the gym and it sort of scares me. It makes me wish I had traded in these corporate digs to become a contractor because I have no idea how to fix ANYTHING. Plus, then I'd get sexy-type arms.

11:37 AM  
Blogger formerly fun said...

I concur.

Ode to Holmes

10:24 AM  

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