Next stop: rocket science.
Speaking of the Olde Hometowne:
Facts About My Salutatorian Speech at High School Graduation, May 1992:
--As I gave it, my hair was hot-rolled, my face was on, I was wearing earrings (pretty much the last hurrah for all three of those things, come to think of it), and I knew my legs looked good even though I was wearing white hose, and white heels from Payless. (The white was mandatory; the heels were from Payless because [see the first half of this sentence].)
--I quoted Paula Poundstone.
--Also the Rolling Stones.
--And maybe David Letterman?
--I made what seemed funny at the time but is in retrospect sort of a racist joke at my friend Laurie’s expense.
--I called out several of my teachers for a job well done: Mrs. B. (1st grade), Miss B., her daughter (3rd grade), Mrs. L. (4th grade), Mrs. J. (8th grade), Mrs. E. (geometry, trig/pre-calc), Mrs. A. (Honors Sr. English).
--I hoped that certain teachers whom I did not call out, realized it and burned with chagrin over how they had wronged me.
--I did not turn over a written draft of the speech in advance for vetting by Mrs. E., and that drove her NUTS NUTS NUTS.
--I think she thought I was fucking with her, and maybe I was a little because WHOA REBEL, but mostly it was because I didn’t finish it till the car ride to the school.
--I believed it was quite original. Who knows whether it actually was or not. Probably not.
--I was asked for copies of it, by several people unrelated to me, after the fact.
--I have no copy myself – thanks be to the most high Shatner.
Facts About My Salutatorian Speech at High School Graduation, May 1992:
--As I gave it, my hair was hot-rolled, my face was on, I was wearing earrings (pretty much the last hurrah for all three of those things, come to think of it), and I knew my legs looked good even though I was wearing white hose, and white heels from Payless. (The white was mandatory; the heels were from Payless because [see the first half of this sentence].)
--I quoted Paula Poundstone.
--Also the Rolling Stones.
--And maybe David Letterman?
--I made what seemed funny at the time but is in retrospect sort of a racist joke at my friend Laurie’s expense.
--I called out several of my teachers for a job well done: Mrs. B. (1st grade), Miss B., her daughter (3rd grade), Mrs. L. (4th grade), Mrs. J. (8th grade), Mrs. E. (geometry, trig/pre-calc), Mrs. A. (Honors Sr. English).
--I hoped that certain teachers whom I did not call out, realized it and burned with chagrin over how they had wronged me.
--I did not turn over a written draft of the speech in advance for vetting by Mrs. E., and that drove her NUTS NUTS NUTS.
--I think she thought I was fucking with her, and maybe I was a little because WHOA REBEL, but mostly it was because I didn’t finish it till the car ride to the school.
--I believed it was quite original. Who knows whether it actually was or not. Probably not.
--I was asked for copies of it, by several people unrelated to me, after the fact.
--I have no copy myself – thanks be to the most high Shatner.
Labels: demoralizing confessions, douchebaggery, I really am sort of an asshole sometimes, life 101, The more you know
posted by Gleemonex at 10:39 AM
3 Comments:
I remember exactly two things from my high school graduation.
1. The guy sitting next to me, James "Bully" Vincent, who got his nickname honestly and spent quite a bit of time at the local juvenile delinquent version of high school, had this to say...'It is hotter than a whorehouse on nickel night in this motherfucker.' And that was true.
2. When I got up to sing the alma mater, the organ would not play and for several agonizing minutes I stood there in that cavernous sporting arena with all eyes on me waiting for something, anything, to happen.
Long live the class of '92!
haaaaaa! Oh man ...
No surprise that you were the salutatorian. You and your big awesome brain! I love it.
We didn't let the valedictorians and salutatorians speak at our graduation. We *voted* for class speaker so that the most POPULAR person could get the last word.
FUCK THE NERDS, with their "thoughts" and "ideas" and cute little nerdy "work ethics". GIVE ME SOME INSIDE JOKES! IT'S GRADUATION DAY!
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