Monday, April 27, 2009

He left the sweet thang that waited his table a dollar tip that was crawling with death.

Everybody run for your lives! Pig death flu is cutting vast swaths of pestilent destruction through the very fabric of humanity!

This is stupider than stupid, y’all. The news* was all “OH GOD IT’S COMING FOR YOUR CHILDREN, REPENT YE, REPENT YE” and when they showed the number of confirmed cases – no more than 15 in any country – I hollered “What a bunch of bullshit! That’s IT???” almost loud enough to wake the baby.**

I could really get behind this pig death flu if it looked like it were actually going to do the job – The Stand is one of my top ten favorite books of all time, and I’ve always been a fan of apocalyptic shit in general – but people, we gotta get a fucking GRIP here. You’re making President Obama*** take time out from trying to fix REAL SHIT to TELL US to get a fucking grip – what’s he supposed to do, flip out like Gerald Ford, get vaccinated on Teevee, set up tent cities for quarantines, tour hospitals in full Pete-Coyote-in-E.T. spacesuit hazmat gear, weep and holler at Mexico, send his children to the English countryside for the duration?

This is gettin to be rigoddamndiculous.


*Which was on in the brief moment between when we finished a TiVoe’d Amazing Race ep and Mr. Gleemonex resumed Breaking Bad, which is really good but which is so fucking bleak and grim that I had to give it up so now he watches it in bits like while I brush my teeth.
**And this is a baby who sleeps through five hours of very loud amateur Journey covers on the other side of a fiberboard wall on a fairly regular basis.
***Oh my full-bellied SHATNER does that still feel so wonderful to say! President Obama. Feel the rush!

Labels: , , , , ,


Blogger bonnjill said...

Word! I was starting to feel I was alone with the "meh" about this "flu epidemic." It's the frickin' flu. People need to get a grip and stop listening to talking heads on 24 hour news channels.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

Thank Jeebus someone else is with me on this one!! This swine flu hooey is sooo fucking annoying and ridiculous! AND I'm now the asshat who reminds everyone that you're more likely to be killed driving your Impala to the Wal-Marts than you are to contract (Read; NOT DIE FROM) the swine flu. UGHHH. Thanks Gleem. Love that you get it.
P.S. Why can't I get your individual posts on a new page anymore? Or has it always been this way? Trying to spread the Glospel, but I was confused as to why I can't get separate pages of your wittiness.

10:54 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Wow! Didn't know you were tryin, Lindsay! Thanks. ;-) I think if you click the time stamp, that will make an individual post -- that's how I find them to link to them, anyhow.

bonnjill: Seriously. "Epidemic," my ass.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

P.S. Obsessed with the Stand, both movie and book. Also love Breaking Bad but it's getting suuuper intense (I used to love turtles, now they just scare me) and I'm nervous about watching last night's DVR'ed episode.
P.P.S. I totally had a little girl crush on Peter Coyote back in the day...
P.P.P.S. Mmmm, President Obama, mmmmmm ....

10:59 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

I'm going to use you as an example that I'm not the only one who thinks this flu crap is ridic!! And pimp your blog, of course! ;)

11:00 AM  
Blogger SB said...

I'm with ya. If it ain't Captain Trips, it ain't worth so much goddamn airtime.

I am all for Coyote-esque hazmat gear though. Just for daily life. Freaks out the office mates.

12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wash your damn hands people and quit fucking the pigs!

6:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nuke it from orbit, it is the only way to be sure.

--Double fake Trashcan man
//heh, used the double fake meme

12:15 PM  
Blogger francine said...

i feel like half the city closed down for pig flu. kids are out running the streets, schools are closed, soccer games are canceled, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria, etc.

3:25 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home