Thursday, March 26, 2009

You guys! My ass! Seriously!

The most disgusting thing on last night’s South Park wasn’t Cartman-related as usual, and it didn’t involve an inside-out nutsack or people eating poo or anything – it was a small pot of Carmex.

Stan was in the office of some douchebaggy corporate spokesperson (long story), and the CS kept saying, Lumbergh-like, “Yeaahh, no, see, yeaaah, no,” etc., while applying Carmex with a finger in this hideous circling motion on his pursed lips – if I have to tell you what that made me think of, then you are reading the wrong blog today, friend.

And but the Carmex itself – gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Could anything be more gross and depressing? It reminded me of elementary school, when some kid would have a pot of it, and you’d look and it’d be all smooshed around and have finger divots and lint and little-kid mouth germs you could almost see with the naked eye, and it makes you think of dry lips and cold sores and the funk of the classroom on a dark January afternoon with the heat on full blast and everybody’s clothes drying out from the rain that started during recess and you can’t remember whether it’s your mom’s turn to drive the carpool home or that dork Danny’s dad or what and you just want to go home.

Bleah! Jesus, people. Get a stick of Burt’s Bees for your lip hydration issues and quit driving me nuts.

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Princess Sparklepants said...

HAH! Burt's even comes in colors, if you want to incorporate looking pretty with lip hydration!

Or, if you must be disgusting, get some dang chap stick. Or blistex. Or softlips.

But for Christ's sake, no carmex!

1:16 PM  
Anonymous traceace said...

Hey that is why I got to get it in a tube. Squeze out more than will use onto clean finger apply with diff clean finger. NO one but NO one is to use my tube of Carmex. So does that make me weird? Oh and it now comes in delightful strawberry!

4:59 AM  
Blogger francine said...

the yellow lid to the carmex pot just reminds me of some institutional, sad medication. or of a&d ointment or a generic product made by the grocery store. yellow and black. i am addicted to lip moisturization but i just can't do the carmex thing or the old blistex in a tiny metal tube because those were my only choices groing up. those and the chapstick my dad used that came in the black tube and tasted like suntan lotion.

8:25 AM  
Anonymous Karla said...

I kicked my Carmex addiction a few years back. Just reading that post made my lips shrivel up. Whaddya trying to do me? The problem with Burt's Bees are the awful candy-ass colors it comes in. I have a tube of Aquaphor, but it also requires finger application. I just can't win.

7:16 AM  
Blogger bgirl said...

leave me and my pot o' carmex alone. hubby and I each have one on our nightstands and when we kiss goodnight we kinda stick together for a sec. twoo lub.

2:10 PM  
Blogger Nobes said...

Nothing- and I do mean nothing- comes even fucking close to Neutrogena Lip Moisturizer. Don't even utter another fucking word. Just go out and get some. You will be addicted to it's moisty goodness for life. I even have an Amazon subscription where they automatically send six tubes to my wife and I every 3 months.

9:58 AM  

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