She blinded me! With science!

Internets, you know all about me and science, and how we are pretty much the opposite of BFFs, right? So I was surprised to find, via this quiz, that I could in fact pass eighth grade science, were a vengeful Shatner to send me back there as punishment for my many sins -- yay me!

But the grade I got -- an 88 -- would have sent me into a tailspin of despair, angst and self-loathing back in the actual eighth grade. I would have lain awake at night, wondering where my mojo had gone and how I could get it back. Out of shame, I would have buried deeeep within the laundry hamper the Harvard sweatshirt that had somehow come my way, and begun to consider what career options were available to a person without a college degree. I would've paid twenty cash American dollars to my bro to take me to school at six o'clock in the a.m. the next day to lie in wait for the teacher so that I'd have at least one uninterrupted hour to beg for extra credit opportunities to make up the stinking lousy twelve points I'd failed to achieve. And depending on how that all went, I might or might not have plotted to sabotage the test scores of The Eventual Valedictorian, Pumpernickel Opperheim, D.W. (always a threat!), and Mister Smartypants on the next quiz, just to even things out.

Because seriously, an 88? I may, in fact, have had to cut a bitch for that.