Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Are there really no other women in Canada? Or is it just the one?

Hey now! The return of Warren the Hunky Helicopter Pilot, whose sins included his functioning eyesight (and through it, his ability to appreciate female beauty of the non-Pattersonian variety) and -- even worse -- his inability to be at Liz's side 24/7 like the Human Tub of Small-Curd Cottage Cheese (motto: Winning Through Constant Proximity!).

But it's a stinky, smelly, maggoty dead red herring, folks. The Liz/Granthony Tango of Despairing Settlement lacked only one more small bump on the road, one more patch of clammy sweat on the parquet floor of romance, as it were, before reaching its inevitable lukewarmly-ever-after conclusion. And here it is: Warren, another in a long line of Suitable Bachelors who've realized their mistakes and come to confess them in distraught anguish to an increasingly matronly Elizabeth. Warren has apparently ditched his previously exciting and fulfilling career for love of Our Wide-Assed Lady of Tractor-Beam Awesomeness, without even asking her if that was kewl. Or, apparently, talking to her at any time in the last year or so.

The thing is, Warren, old buddy old pal, it only works the other way -- Liz ditches HER previously exciting and fulfilling career for no good goddamn reason. She was only using you for sex and transpo, and since she's totes done with sex for the rest of her life, without the whirlybird, you're no good to her. Sorry, broheim -- game over. Although if you wanted to stalk her and then attempt to rape her, we could go ahead and rerun THAT whole storyline again, and this time it could be Granthony's opportunity to propose mawwiage. Rawk.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Warren's just showing up so Lynn can get rid of him forever and people will stop holding out hope.


At the same time... Elizabeth doesn't deserve any better.

1:09 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

GOD, I know. I gave up on her a long time ago -- she deserves the semi-moist lint ball. Let 'er have him, and his half-wanted daughter too.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Sarah B. said...

You know my feelings here, but man, I still get a jolt of glee when the storyline turns to Liz instead of Michael's fucking kids, just because it gives me something more fun to hate.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Roger THAT! Raging about Prince Michael and his passel of brats just doesn't quite do it for me. With him, there was never anything to lose, you know?

9:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today's strip leads me to believe that they're setting up another almost-rape, because Granthony seems to find those so romantic. This time... almost-rape plus PROPOSAL! How dreamy.

4:16 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

That was exactly my first thought! GOD. We are so conditioned, now. It's so so so sad.

9:32 AM  

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