Imagine if the landlord from Lebowski was a 13-year-old girl

Oh goddammit Internets. I can barely type this through the tears of wheezy, cackling laughter, but you -- especially you and you -- will thank me for it. It's like the video in Infinite Jest -- "the Entertainment" -- which is so perfect that, when viewed, causes the viewer to do nothing else basically until they die. I think I'll let Alec Baldwin tell you about it:

Alec Baldwin: My guilty pleasure like that was when I was in my 20’s and I’d go to my friend’s house. And we just had this weird habit, where like at 4:00 in the afternoon we would like make a drink and we’d roll the biggest joint and we’d smoke pot and watch a show called "Stairway to Stardom" that was on public access TV. And "Stairway to Stardom" was this older man. He kind of looked like Rod Steiger – he was a burly-looking, tough-looking older man – and his wife. And she kind of looked like Tammy Faye Baker. She was like a big, big honeycombed, shellacked hairdo. She was like this big, bosomy older woman.

And the guy would come out, and he had the funniest voice. He’d be like, ‘Welcome, everyone, to "Stairway to Stardom."’ And they’d sing a song, an opening song, and then they would bring out acts that would perform, that were all like local Queens, Brooklyn talent; people singing and parakeets. It was like – it was bizarre.

Lena Dunham: That sounds like the best thing in the world.

Alec Baldwin: It was the best show in the world, especially if you’d smoked an enormous –

Lena Dunham: Amount of marijuana.

Alec Baldwin: An enormous joint. 

I don't even partake of herbal jazz cigarettes anymore, and this is the greatest thing in the WORLD. 

Hat tip: Mr. Gleemonex, who got it from Alec Baldwin's podcast. Reader, I married him!