Speedbaggin
Mental Conversations I Have Had With a Certain Aggressively Dickish Re-Usable Shopping Bag That Is For Sale All Around Downtown SF
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Thinking about what a fuckin dick you are.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Heading out in my Hummer to do a bunch of awesome 360s all over a wetlands preserve, you dick.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Planning on punching out the lights of whoever I see carrying you, dick.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Thanking you for your incredibly valuable and selfless contribution to the betterment of humankind, the planet and indeed, the glorious universe. The other six billion of us totally owe you an awesome blowjay.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Your mom.
PS: Those are the words printed in large letters on the shopping bag. I am in general in favorance of re-usable shopping bags; it's just that I really want to kick the ass of this one in particular.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Thinking about what a fuckin dick you are.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Heading out in my Hummer to do a bunch of awesome 360s all over a wetlands preserve, you dick.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Planning on punching out the lights of whoever I see carrying you, dick.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Thanking you for your incredibly valuable and selfless contribution to the betterment of humankind, the planet and indeed, the glorious universe. The other six billion of us totally owe you an awesome blowjay.
Dickish Shopping Bag: “I’M SAVING THE PLANET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Gleemonex: Your mom.
PS: Those are the words printed in large letters on the shopping bag. I am in general in favorance of re-usable shopping bags; it's just that I really want to kick the ass of this one in particular.
Labels: balls in YOUR mouth sir, christ on toast points -- politics, first-world problems, I really am sort of an asshole sometimes, that's what your mom said
posted by Gleemonex at 1:42 PM
5 Comments:
This makes me want to mail you one that I made, one that has little flowers or a nice print on it. Plaid, maybe. Then you can tell that other one, "well, at least I'm pretty". That's the excuse I use all the time.
Fuck that bag. Seriously, buy one of those bags and have intercourse with it. It will be awkward at first, then a little less awkward, then really awkward again, then not so much, then you'll be done. That'll teach all those environmentalists to mind their own business.
It's saving the planet if someone actually USES it many, many, many times. Otherwise, let's consider the carbon footprint of manufacturing the bag and shipping it over to the US from China (and let's not mention the labor conditions under which said bag was manufactured).
The inner Hilton reveals itself.
Beee S fucking GEEEE tonight!
AHAHAHAHAH fucking bags, man. they NEED to mind their own business.
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