I gotcher cash back rewards RIGHT HERE.

So I'm sitting there on hold with a goddamn credit card company (Discover, if you must know, an account I've had since 1994 and haven't used since 1999, because: please), and the hold music is tootling along, and I'm like, "Love touch? Are you fucking kidding me? Love touch? Rod Stewart, you are the biggest douchebag in the history of recorded music." And but then Rod's done and they start pouring "(I've Had) The Time of My Life"* into my ear (sorta like those fluorescing worms in Beastmaster, in aural form) and as the instrumental part crescendoes, with all those really sincere keys and synth strings and whatever, then quiets down for the heartfelt outro, I'm like, "No, you guys are the biggest douchebags in the history of recorded music." But then finally their bullshit fades out and fucking Seals & Croft starts up all "Summer breeze, I am a douchetard"** and I just about lose my will to live. 

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*From the soundtrack of an obscure little indie art-house fave called Dirty Dancing. You might've heard of it, but I doubt it. It's pretty fringe. 

**Those are the actual lyrics. Listen closely next time.