Uppers, downers, screamers, laughers, goofballs ...

Now, this -- THIS I totally love.

Ted "Teapot Dome" Stevens, the original Porkmaster General of Alaska, gets convicted on seven (7) felony counts, and not only is the old mothertrucker not gonna drop out of the Senate race he's currently conducting, but also he's crying persecution. And his supporters agree! They're saying Teddy "didn't know" "people" (by which I mean oil companies and their minions) were doing all these extravagant "favors" for him -- it's the liberal media's fault for digging up (ALLEGED!) dirt on the Right Reverend Tedster! Captain Numbnuts might even still win on Tuesday. No wonder -- these are the people who shat Sarah Palin out on the rest of us, eh?

People ... Internets ... I just don't even know what to say anymore. Help me out here, cause I feel like I been takin crazy pills.