Le Sportsac. Heh.

Proof that the Internets (a series of tubes) has (have?) a hive mind: Right after I post some shit-talk about John “I Am the Phallus, Goo-goo-goo-joob” Updike, Internets superstar Sarah D. Bunting (aka Sars) posts a Vine question on why she hates him, and gives a very nicely detailed explanation of same (focused more on the actual writing than the rampant misogyny that tends to be my focus). I’d call it a meme, but A)it’s pretty small in number, thus far, and B)only douchebags say “meme” anymore.

So hey, anybody watch the All-Star game? It got exciting in spite of itself at the end there, didn’t it? Good times.

But Fox’s bloated overproduction of the event nearly goddamn turned me into a soccer fan, I tell you what. Those bullshit little “pieces” they did on certain players (often shoehorned into some, you know, actual gameplay that we consequently missed), all that Yay America! horsepucky, the blaring music during the intros and ceremonial shit that Steve Spielberg would reject as too schmaltzy and rah-rah for one of his Greatest Generation strokefests (I sang along, at one point, some lyrics of my own invention: “Amerrrricaaaa! How awesome it uuuuuused to beeee! Back in the daaaaay! When everything was totally perfect and there weren’t any problemmmmms!”), ten hundred metric tons of self-congratulatory verbal diarrhea, awkward miscues and timing issues unworthy of even your local cable access channel — and last but not least, a flyover of military jets to the music of noted war hawks and Lee-Greenwood-fellow-travelers U2. Oi.

Is it time for the second half to start yet? Please, pretty please?

At right: My new fave baseball player. He looks like the 70s called and said, “No, it’s cool, you can hang out in ’07 for awhile. Come back anytime though, man.”