Goddammit, are they TRYING to make me buy a car?

Sat next to a guy on the bus this morning who was reading a magazine, which seemed harmless enough, as magazine readers are not Chatters in general. Parked my bag, slumped down, pulled my jacket hood down over my eyes, checked out ... only to discover that my seatmate was a Throat Clearer, of the Random Interval Variety (subspecies: at least twice per minute).

Oh HELL no.

And also? He had that old-guy schnot smell going with every exhale, the one involving weak black coffee, stale cigarettes and phlegm. The iPod, though it prevents my intended nap, takes care of the throat clearing (more or less), but it can't do a thing for old-guy schnot smell. Why, WHY didn't I scooch past Sleeping Beautifully-Made-Up Chinese Lady and take the inside seat beside her?