Half a dozen awesome: Things Jack Bauer cannot get enough of.

—Kicking the shit out of other countries’ embassies in L.A. That’s foreign soil, motherfucks.

—Vouching for scumbags. He knows their proverbial new leaf may not have been entirely turned, so to speak, but he’s fucking Jack Bauer and he’ll make sure the cockbags do what they said they’d do.

—Inadvertently causing the death of innocent bystanders. Starting with the late great Officer Macy Gray, in Season One, you just gotta know: Merely being in the same time zone as Jack Bauer can result in your untimely death.

—Separating people from parts of their own bodies. Micro-Tek Halo, cigar cutter, bullets, it’s all the same to him — the method matters less than the result.

—Breakin the law. There ain’t a felony, misdemeanor or high crime this badass son of a bitch hasn’t committed — twice.

—Delegating responsibility. Just kiddin. Somethin needs doing, Jack Bauer get it done, and that’s all you bitches need to know about that.