How you know you are going to lose on Judge Judy

If you are the one who gears up to tell Judy a long story and you start it with "FIRST of all," you will not be getting the money that guy owes you.

And if you include the mangled syntax of "I had told him" or "He had told me," you are gonna end up owing HIM money, even though he totally did just TAKE all those sneakers and that lamp and your weave from you when he moved out and they were NOT a loan. Because Judy has HAD IT with you.