Monday, August 09, 2010

Also, Mary preferred to sit inside and sew on her nine-patch colorblock quilt because she's a goody two-shoes kiss-ass little twit.

Or: Further Adventures in Children's Lit
Sparked by a comment I was going to leave over at Sarah Brown's joint, which comment became overlong and moved itself over here instead:

1) I have started reading Little House on the Prairie to my almost-three-year-old. It is pretty awesome, and she likes the sound of it, and follows the story remarkably well. But I'm glad she can't actually read yet, because I have had to do some on-the-fly editing-out of this and that -- such as the Ingallses basically being HOME-INVADED by some Indians while Pa was away (it is really a terrifying chapter, no kidding), and how Ma is constantly mouthing off all racist about Indians in general (even before the home invasion).

2) Speaking of home invasions (Cat in the Hat, GOD), I never knew how much a person could grow to hate Dr. Seuss. Now, a bunch of y'all just went "Noooooooooo!" and started composing defenses of the man and his work, but y'all -- Y'ALL -- have never had to read "Blue Fish Blue Fish" for the eighth god damn night in a row, all that "Ish Wish Dish" and "Zans cans" and "seven-hump Wump" shit.

3) And speaking of editing, I don't edit the ending of Henny Penny, where HP, Cocky Locky, Goosey Loosey, Ducky Lucky, and Turkey Lurkey stupidly follow Foxy Loxey into his lair and he and his wife and kids EAT THEM ALL UP. Because DAMN, y'all, get some brains and don't follow a fucking FOX into its LAIR.

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Blogger Sarah Brown said...

I remember the Ingalls' home invasion! That was some crazy shit.

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Jo said...

Again, for the umpteen-millionth time, something you've written has made me snort out loud and startle my cat.

8:37 PM  
Blogger francine said...

i'll have to send you my old books. mom put me in the random house, etc. book-of-the-month club delivery system when i was born. so i have all these random ones. like septimus bean and his amazing machine, which is really about a really skinny (probably gay) man who makes this mysterious machine. and also the little old man who could not read which is actually very sad because his wife goes out of town and he runs out of food and goes to the store to buy stuff and then proceeds to eat soap and pour salt into his cereal or whatever, etc.

12:12 PM  

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