Friday, June 22, 2007

Makes you long for the days of rice cakes and speed

Good LORD, y’all. I … I am struggling to find the words here. The words, they don’t so much come easily when I am this horrified.

See, there’s this … this diet pill … and using it MAKES YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS.

And people … people are BUYING IT. Lots of it. Lots of people — women, mostly, and quelle surprise there, eh? — are buying lots of jars full of this magical fucktacular pill! Because it MIGHT help them lose a little weight!

This makes actual bulimia — which as we all know is a DISEASE that can KILL YOU — look terribly attractive. I must quote the Salon article that somehow penetrated my mental defenses against learning about this horrorshow:

What sort of [side] effects? Well, you may get "gas with oily spotting," "loose stools" or "more frequent stools that may be hard to control," the page says, before likening the undigested fat -- which will show up in the toilet -- to "the oil on top of a pizza." … Putting it a different way, if alli prevents you from absorbing a quarter of the fat you eat, that means that for a meal with 15 grams of fat in it (at nine calories per gram), it'd be saving you approximately 36 calories. Not to get all philosophical, but if someone were to ask me how many calories it would take to get me to risk shitting myself in public, it'd be a hell of a lot more than 36.
No fucking kidding. Oh Internets, how has it come to this?

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Blogger TXsharon said...


2:28 PM  
Blogger Jory Dayne said...

G-thang! I had so so so many reactions to this! Mostly involving nomenclature.

1. I think I have a friend who's on this diet pill! Except, his doctor just calls it Colitis?

2. I'm hoping the pill is called something catchy along the lines of like, Flonase, or Allegra.

Like, maybe Lapasaje, a mangling of the French word for The Runs. Or maybe something more angular? Skwirt?

3.I think they need a new classification of Bulimia to accommodate this. But we don't need to reinvent the wheel or anything. Lets just call it what it is Anal Bulimia.

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

I saw a display for this in my Target earlier this week. All the pamphlets were gone and the shelves were empty. Oh, America.

11:17 PM  
Blogger cafe fromage said...

LMAO. . .I hope these same people stocked up on Depends, I wonder if that aisle at Target was cleaned out as well.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Gleemonex said...

Anal Bulimia ...

Oh, America, indeed.

9:02 AM  

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